Ohgodohgodohgod
A few weeks into a relationship, my girlfriend and I went to visit my mum so that she and the gf could meet. We had a nice day, and all was going swimmingly until my gf and I went to bed. We were both sat naked on the bed, me behind her with my legs and arms wrapped around her all loving and cozy, when suddenly with no warning I farted.

And followed through.

Fortunately, my gf had retreated to the other side of the room to escape the smell with a whispered cry of "that's disgusting!" and didn't notice that I had left something resembling an Iced Gem biscuit www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/previous.php3?item=85 on the bedsheet.

Too scared to say anything I tried succesfully to block it from my gf's view, but realised that it was on her side of the bed and it was at about chest height so she was bound to find it when it was time to sleep. Cue me saying that the bed was at completely the wrong angle for me to sleep in relative to the window/door (fake insecurity - genius) and we should move the pillows to the other end (with the result that only my feet would be near the poo).
Gf wasn't stupid and got me to admit, red faced, what was really going on, and to my surprise rather than dumping me, just laughed! We took the sheet off the bed and went to sleep.

However, the shame was not over because the next morning I bundled the sheet into my mum's washing machine, muttering something to her about 'the sheet got a stain on it' and left my mum to assume that my gf was on the blob and had 'leaked' during the night, having expressly promised my GF I would do no such thing.

It's been some years now and I still haven't told her.
(Plyck, Tue 29 Nov 2005, 14:32, Reply)