The Summer Holiday Turd
I must have been around 17 at the time, it was my last holiday abroad with my family. We booked a nice 2 week holiday in cala forcat, Menorca. as I was 17 my parents allowed me to invite my best mate Jordan to come along so I had someone to hang out with.

Anyhow as expected we spent most of the time getting plastered and chasing women. Plenty of great stories to tell but the best and most shameful by far was my morning run.

Well it must have been around 6am I was feeling pretty rough from the night before, I'd only had a couple of hours sleep. Being a bit of a fitness junkie at the time I always went for a morning run before breakfast. Normally I'd clock up a good 5 miles regardless of what had happened the previous night. On this perticular morning I decided to run along the coastal road which ran along a rocky clifftop for about 3 miles end to end. this place was pretty much desserted and your rarely saw a single vechile pass alday. I'd only been running for about 10 minutes when this intense urge to shit came over me. So I'm up in the middle of nowhere and about to crap my self. The clifftop was basically completely flat land and i wasn't to comfortable with the idea of shitting there.
Then by chance I noticed a set of steps running down the side of the cliff face, it was like a blessing from god himself at this point. So nipping my ars together I crossed the road and made my decent down the steps looking for a nice spot to dump my load. I made it al the way to the bottom of the steps where I found what I can only describe as a small concrete jetty at sea level which loked like it hadn't been used in years. What a treat, the pressure was off, so i drop my shorts right in the middle of the jetty and produce the largest shit of my life. The smell was rancid even though it was outside, it had a rather smooth glossy finish which can only be achieved through a combination of san migueal larger and kebabs. So i jumped in the sea washed my ars and though i'd better head back for breakfast. I take one final look at my turd perfectly placed in the middle of the concrete jetty, a thing of beauty. so as i made my way back up the steps to the road i hear voices, the fear kicks in. so I continue making my way up then suddenly in front of me is a huge line of people making their way down the steps towards what i thought was a disused jetty. The guy at the front of the line smiles at me and asked if the tourboat had arrived yet, I just looked up at him and muttered "naa, not yet mate".
then I made my way past the rest of the line of people as fast as possible. Many of them giving me a smile or a polite greeting as i pasted there must have been at least 50 people. The jetty was so small they probably wouldn't all fit on it at once. the guilt and shame i felt was so bad i sprinted back to my apartment at record speed. all i could think of was what those people were thinking of me for doing a huge minging shite in the middle of a jetty.

I spend the following days of my holiday in hiding..... nice
(mad_dan Stilton or knob cheese ma'am?, Wed 30 Nov 2005, 18:50, Reply)