She seemed like such a nice girl
A while ago I was at a combined birthday party/house leaving party for a mates girlfriend and her housemates. Part way through the night one of said housemates excuses herself to leave early, sighting being tired and needing some sleep.

Roll forwards a few hours to when the rest of the party make their way back to the flat, in search of food, more alcohol and in my case, somewhere to take a much needed piss.

The door to the flat was unlocked, but would still not open, the chain was on the door, which is fair enough, given its not the most salubrious of areas. The girl is shouted, and answers that she'll open the door in a minute. Minute goes by, still no luck, more minutes go by, and even less luck, and by now, my bladder felt like it was making its own bid for freedom.

Eventually the door is opened, and I politely rush past the girl and into the toilet.

"Jesus christ" is what issues forth from my mouth, before I very nearly puke from the sight and smell before me.

The girl in question had seemingly spent the entire time we were outside the door, alternatively having the squits and puking in the toilet. And had capped it off, with what appeared to be an entire toilet roll.

I would describe this girl as skinny, very slight of figure, not tall, and myself as a relatively big, not particularly healthy guy. But even after a night of beer and curry I couldn't produce the horrific smell that she had generated, it was satans own brand.

So amid the stinging eyes, and boking, I took my much needed piss, all was good. Until, I erred on the wrong 50-50 choice of flushing. It didn't go anywhere, and the water gradually rose. Thankfully it didn't go over the rim, but it was no longer of use to anyone.

I sheepishly explained to the house hosts what had happened, and how much of it was my doing.

I suggested an unfolded coat hanger as the unblocker to use, and it was done. No more foul smell and foul sights.

The only remaining issue was where to put the hanger, and so it was, that an unfolded, shitty, sicky, wet coat hanger was thrown from a flats balcony to meet it's doom.

No apologies for length, it was the volume that caused the problems.
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 18:14, Reply)