Shitting in urinals.
This one isn't funny. I can't find anything humourous to say about my past shit experiences. Weird that. A few months back I had an early shift so had to walk the four miles or so into work. I put off going to the lavvy before I left, damned if I know why. By the time I got into the spirit of the journey and it was too late to turn back, my guts started complaining about last nights dinner. This being mostly a town center with a few early risers around I couldn't just curl one out on the pavement. As the sweats started coming and I began to walk a little oddly, I was wondering if there were any alleyways or dark places I could go if it became too much... and then it hit me. This one wasn't going to wait till I got to work, code red, had to shit now! By some miracle, my arse cheeks had become akin to superman's and I held on with fierce resolve. It wasn't pain as such, more like the most uncomfortable feeling ever, like rocks being rolled from your stomach, squeezed through your intestines, touching cloth and then back up. Over and over again. I don't think I've ever felt anything like it. Every couple of yards I had to stop and lean against something until the urge to just let it all go passed. I had the turtle by the head for two miles before I finally spied a "bathroom". It was one of those crude concrete shelters with a urinal they have for pissing in, horrible, dirty, smelly and altogether quite small. Didn't stop me though, trousers down, one hand behind me holding myself up, and whoomph, the most liberating, earth shattering shit I've ever taken. It was almost sexual in its bliss. I didn't have anything to wipe with so didn't hang around too long. But I did gaze fondly at my prize. It was so impressive I thought, "I'll come back later and see if it's still here. And it was. Beautiful. I pass by the shelter every day now, I thank god above they saw fit to build it there, and not decided to pull the unholy edifice down. Sometimes I think about popping in, just for old times sake.
(Suddenly, zebras Safe and sound for eternity, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 22:52, Reply)