I am the proud inventer of the shit shooter.
Like a six shooter, only instead of shooting a bullet, it shoots shit. Let me explain.

I am a member of the Hash House Harriers. It is a club where odd folk meet to run around the countryside and drink lots of beer. It is very much like the humour on b3ta only OFFLINE. Google it, you will be amazed at how huge it is world wide. Oh and it has nothing to do with corned beef or OMG!11DRU6z0r5!!!1

One Sunday it was my turn to lay the trail. A sort of paperchase only with sawdust or flour. I took them right out into the Cambridgeshire Fens for about 5 miles, across a couple of streams and when they almost got back to the pub I let rip my new weapon.

To make a shit shooter, you need six one metre lengths of plastic pipe, six stage maroons, some wire, a battery, some cotton wool and a bucket or two of fresh cow shit, which was in plentyful supply as the final run in was through a farm.

Take the pipes and gaffa tape them together. Bury a quarter of the pipes in the ground with the tubes facing your target at a 45° angle. Drill a small hole at the base of each pipe (before you bury them) and thread through some thin speaker wire and attach the wire to a stage maroon (large) which sits at the bottom of each pipe. Stuff a good wadge of cotton wool down each pipe then pour in the cow shit. Make sure the cables are all joined to a single cable of which one end is attached to the stage maroons and the other, several yards away to a PP3 battery. ONLY ATTACH ONE OF THE TERMINALS AT THIS POINT. I speak from experience from a mishap during the experimental stage of the project.

RESULT:
The pack of around 30 runners appeared over a fence at the back of the farm. As they became close I made contact with the spare wire to the other terminal. Then...

 _  __    _    ____  _        _    __  __ __  __  ___  _ 
| |/ /   / \  | __ )| |      / \  |  \/  |  \/  |/ _ \| |
| ' /   / _ \ |  _ \| |     / _ \ | |\/| | |\/| | | | | |
| . \  / ___ \| |_) | |___ / ___ \| |  | | |  | | |_| |_|
|_|\_\/_/   \_\____/|_____/_/   \_\_|  |_|_|  |_|\___/(_) 

I think everyone got a bit.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 27 Mar 2008, 23:24, 2 replies)

*writes*
*memorises*
*clicks*

I should use this on the walkers who insist on using the bridleway that crosses my garden (Trying to get it reclassified). Although I think I'd have to hire out a control box, I know what sort of damage those maroons can do.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 7:50, closed)

I don't like this.
I FUCKING LOVE THIS!!
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 10:27, closed)