WeeWitch's story
about the Edinburgh Lewis's has reminded me.

I work in an establishment where members of Her Majesty's Great British General Public have access to toilets. This means we staff have to do frequent "toilet checks", which usually involves walking in, making sure the toilet rolls are stocked up, and changing them if not. Occasionally, someone's jammed two 20p coins in the condom machine, or pissed on the floor and it needs mopping up.. nothing much disgusting.

But- and it was obvious there'd be a but- there was one horrid incident.

A member of the aforementioned Great British Public approached me, and explained that someone hadn't flushed the toilet.

"No problem", thought I, "it's not difficult to flush a toilet". So, in I marched, into the cubicle, and pushed the button to flush it. For a few seconds, there was nothing. Then it filled with water. And I mean filled, with water coming to about 2cm short of the rim of the bowl.

I realised it was blocked, and I needed to unblock it.

I donned my thick pink rubber gloves, rolled up my sleeves, and inserted my arm into the water, aiming to find the source of this blockage. I didn't need to search for long. Easily above the "normal" water level, there it was, the soft substance. There is something especially horrible about feeling the texture of another man's poo.

Nonetheless, I soldiered on. I pushed it aside, and poked in further, trying to make a small tunnel in the shit for the water to drain through. This was not easy. Bits of log started to float in the water, mere centimetres from my nose, as I was now beyond elbow-depth in the shitty water, and I was starting to heave, and my eyes were starting to water. My hand was now in a scoop shape, literally digging through this gentleman's soft shit. The water was not draining. Then, finally, I reached the U-bend. I dug up through it, and the water drained out. I was crying. I vomited a horrible, putrid, bile-vomit into the bowl.

I removed my gloves, went to get some more, and a bucket.

I scooped the shit out of the bowl and into the bucket. When most of it was gone, I flushed.

The bucket, the 15-litre version, was half-full. Somehow, someone had managed to shit out at least 7 litres of solids. I would have been impressed, and curious about the weight, but at the time, I was more interested in getting rid of it. I double-black-binbagged it, threw it out as hazardous waste, and then washed my hands for about 15 minutes, before rinsing my still foul-tasting mouth out with Coke, water and mints.

I'd apologise for length, but it wasn't even me.
( Thinker, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 1:17, 2 replies)

You poor sod
I feel sick just reading this.
( Flowers the little boy that santa claus forgot, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 3:43, closed)

I was reminded
of that scene from Trainspotting...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 9:44, closed)