"I'm just going for a massive shite", said David
And off he went.

David was a colleague, saving up his wages so he could go travelling in Oz. Nice lad, used to give me a lift to work in the morning. But he would always announce to the section whenever he was off to vacate his bowels.

Off he trotted to the staff bogs, and on we got with our various tasks. All except Deb, who was busy filing her nails and talking to her mum on the phone.

Ten minutes later, our erstwhile hero David returned. Walking, we noticed, somewhat awkwardly. It was only when he got up close that we noticed his trousers were soaking wet.

"You were gone a while", one of the section stated, matter-of-factly.

"Yeah", David spluttered, a trace of indignination in his voice. "I was sitting there, having a shite, when the throne suddenly shifted to the left, then forward, and the next thing I know I'm up to my ankles in water. Trouble was, as my trousers were around my ankles already, they're utterly soaked with pissy-shitty water"...

Clocking our slightly benused faces, he added, "The fucking toilet bowl spilt away from the U-bend, before I'd finished, and way before I could flush. The cleaners are going to go fucking mental".

Oh dear.

David turned to me, and said the only thing he could say in that situation, really.

"Davros, you'll be getting the bus home tonight. I'm off".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 29 Mar 2008, 0:22, Reply)