As a young chap
before going to college, and at the time of the whooping cough I had, I worked in a confectionary factory. Fortunately for me, I was taken on as the sugar boilerer, the guy who makes the sweets, and therefore dodged the life long tag of "fudge-packer", but there were drawbacks to this. Once fully trained, I spent the vast majority of my time alone, staring at a large steam powered pot. Not fun at all. I also had to time any trip to the toilet around making the fudge/macaroon/tablet, as obviously I could not leave the boiler unattended. So, as you would imagine, a bout of terrible guts was not particularly pleasant during that period of my life.

I had held it in all day. The whole of the previous night had been taken up with sitting on the pan as most of the liquid in my body made it's way back into the wild, and I knew the slightest release of pressure would result in slightly more than fudge being smeared on my whites. I started work at 7:30, and by the time it reached one o'clock, I was in agony... it hadn't seemed so bad during my first break so I had opted to spend it talking to the others in the tea room rather than straining at the pot. After we had poured the fudge (and I was well aware of the comedy connotations of that) and before clocking off for my break, I sprinted to the toilets, which were situated at the head of the factory, next to the twist-wrapping machines. In those days, we were not obliged to remove our protective clothes before going to the shitter..... I don't eat many sweets. Anyway, I hurriedly got the trousers down, threw mself on to the toilet and braced myself.

*paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....*

A high pitched, completely dry fart emerged from between the pursed nippers of my ring. It went on.

*aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*

It had been going for around 20 seconds, in all honesty, before I began to snigger.

*aaaaaaaaaaaaa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a*

The sound of this made me laugh even more, which made the force and pitch of this vast pocket of bum gas increase until it sounded like some insane midget laughing.

*a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaarrrrrppth*

There were tears running down my face, the whole fart had lasted almost an entire minute. Not a spot of poo poo had emerged, but I felt a whole lot better.

Although the majority of the other factory workers were middle aged women, I still felt the need to relay the story when I emerged a few minutes later....
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sat 29 Mar 2008, 16:40, 2 replies)

OMG!
This made me laugh so hard I had tears rolling down my face!!

Definate clickage for YOU!!

*clicks away happily*
(bitchymama belongs to the fat man on..., Sun 30 Mar 2008, 6:02, closed)

:D

( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 15:18, closed)