TMI
A few years back, I worked in a popular chain of stores that sells computer games.

My regular manager was out, so I had to call in during a particular bad bout of the runs. I spoke to a 'stand in' and explained that I was not coming in, because I had stomach difficulties. I was told this wasn't a good enough reason, and I would need to provide more details. I took a deep breath, and said, in a ranty, half-crying voice something similar to:

"I'm pissing out of my arsehole, okay? Okay? Literally pissing liquid fire out of my ring piece and it really, really stings. I've used up two toilet rolls, and soiled a flannel that I had soaked in cold water to soothe my arse. I can't drink anything, I can't eat food without wanting to to take a crap, and I'm just bloody lucky that I haven't shit myself. Do you want me to come in and shit all over the customers as well?"

It went very quiet, and I heard a strange noise on the phone. "He doesn't sound well at all, does he?" said an unfamiliar voice.

Yes, the idiot had put me on speakerphone when he was serving a customer... I've never let 'em forget that, and the rest of the time I was working there, whenever I called in ill (genuinely, I hasten to add!) they didn't ask what with!
(reech, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 16:20, Reply)