I'm suddenly reminded
of the time I stayed with my in-laws. Myself and the wife were ushered out early one morning by the maids, (oh yes I know, posh) before I left though, I had a quick go of the toilet. When we came back from breakfast an hour or so later I felt the need to use the facilities again. Except this time, in the porcelain throne, lay an enormous golden brown log. I certainly didn't leave it so I laughed as I thought not only of the so called maids abuse of our hospitality but also the sheer girth of it, and what her diet must consist of. I also thought, hey I'm not going to sit next to that, and promptly flushed.

Whereupon the monster job got stuck in the u-bend and caused the toilet to rapidly fill up with water.

Now I've been in this situation before so I know the drill, except this time I can't find the valve handle to stop the water flow. Don't panic, modern toilet I think, it'll stop when it reaches the rim due to some arse-fangled ballcock mechanism... will it fuck. The pissy/shitty water started coming over the sides and onto the floor. I called my wife and she turned off the deluge but the damage was done. The floor of the bathroom was soaked. I sighed and began the long process of cleaning up but then I heard an odd trickling sound. After some investigating I found the problem. That's weird darling, says I, there seems to be some kind of air vent... on the floor? what?

Yeah, turns out the bathroom was right above the in-laws master bedroom... and now toilet water was leaking through the vent, through the ceiling and onto their plush duvet.

I was so ashamed I almost wept. But the icing on the cake was when my missus entered the room behind me in a state of similar horror and for some inexplicable reason, it was about 10am after all, turned the lights on. Blew the bulbs, tripped the fuses and made an ugly situation 10 times worst. You have no idea how much I *feared* that toilet from then on. Everytime I was forced to use it I went armed with a plunger and rubber gloves, and sat there for 10 minutes after every bowel movement, watching it flush, just to be on the safe side.
(Suddenly, zebras Safe and sound for eternity, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 19:09, Reply)