Small Children
I've noticed a few of these posts involve the joys of small children, and their attempts to master the art of bowel control.


And this one is no exception.

I'm a father of two rugrats, and now thankfully they've grown up to the age where this isn't so much of risk, but I have some memories still burned into my mind from when they were younger.

First child, when she was but a babe in arms, had to go for a routine checkup with a health visitor. The usual thing of weigh them and make sure nothing is hanging off and all the relevant bits seem to work. The missus was tired, so dad gets the job.
Well I don't know if any of you realise the amount of sexist shit that is thrown against fathers by so called members of the caring profession. Its the 21st century, but still we have to put up with patronising crap, that if it was thrown at women, would cause legal action.
Cue so called health professional talking down to me and pushing me out of the way, as she insisted that she remove the daughters nappy prior to weighing.
Now the daughter obviously reacted to the sense of cold air breezing around her botty, and decided that as she wasn't going to have to sit in it, waiting for me to change it, she was going to open the bomb bay doors.

Cue loud brapping noise (Takes after her dad) followed by a rather forceful explosion of toxic waste. All over the patronsing cows apron.

Good to know your kids can take revenge on your behalf.

Second story is my youngest who managed to swallow a 1p piece. We consulted the doctor who basically said, wait for nature to take its course. Which it did, though the expression on his face was priceless. Imagine the bit in total recall where Sharon Stone kicks the governor of California in the family jewels. That was close, but Arnold needs to put more conviction into his acting to match it!

Length? He'll grow into it eventually
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 21:59, 2 replies)

Bloody HVs
I totally agree with you - those bloody incompetent deranged feminists who's sole purpos is to weigh and regurgitate what the government says ... glad at least one of them was put in their place by your lass's bum ;)
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 11:24, closed)

The dreaded HV's can be rude to us mums as well
I was forever being told my daughters were "on the small side". Obviously. I used to point out that to have a centile average you need big and small kids, and that I am under 5 foot 3 and weigh less than 8 stone - way down the centile charts. Patronising bitches.

/rant over and breathe ...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:20, closed)