Twins
I have a Niece and a Nephew (I actually have several) and these two are twins.

Now a bit of background for you: I am single. And while I enjoy spending time with my family, being the single guy, I am often saddled with the various 'emergency' child sittings that crop up from time to time.

So, cue my Brother in an 'emergency' and I have to watch his 2 year old twins. "Dont worry" says he "They will be ready for their nap when I bring them over, so all you will have to do is let them crash and you'll have no problems."

Okay. I mean, how tough can it be? Right? I mean, they ARE TWO years old! Apart from crappy nappies, what could go wrong?

Now, despite having seen some horrible stuff as a jarhead (US Marine) there are only a few things that affect my otherwise steel stomach: poop is one of them. And Baby Poop is no exception. So throughout all my Niece's and Nephews lives, whenever a nappy needed changing, I was able to make myself scarce.

So, this day, my goal was this: He is only gone for two hours. I can deal with two hours as long as there are no dirty diapers.

So I unfolded their folding crib that my Brother brought over and laid out their blankies and set them in there.

My Nephew, we shall call him Jake, for Jake is the name he was given, apparently (and I say 'apparently' because I wasnt IN the room when it happened) was able to get out of the crib. I dont know if he did it before or after, but he removed his twin sisters diaper AND his and used the excrement contained within them as a kind of sepia toned wall paint.

I smelled something amiss whilst watching television in the next room, the volume barely audible so as to hear any protestation in the next room...so I went to peak in on them, to make sure they were okay (I had not heard ONE laugh, giggle or anything, that stealthy little bastard) and I was greeted with a smiling Jake OUTSIDE the crib, hands caked in his and his sisters excrement, busily working on what I can only describe as an homage to LeRoy Neiman.

It took me over three hours to clean the room. When my Brother arrived to claim his spawn, I showed him the room and he just chuckled and said "Yeah, they do that at home all the time too."

I am still plotting my revenge.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 16:16, 4 replies)

This will take careful planning.
Maybe you could take him your dog after feeding the dog some leftover Mexican food? I don't know about your dog, but the Jack Russell terrorist gets lethal farts from unfamiliar foods...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 16:26, closed)

Revenge is a dish best served cold.....
But don't leave it too long as it will lose it appeal.

Btw, it's good experiance for when you get your own sprogs.
( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 19:38, closed)

I did something similar when I was a toddler
...left alone in my room while my dad watched football on the other side of the house, I painted the walls and a bit of carpet.

I was lucky with my two.....they never felt the need to play with their poo. However, I must have lost track of time and how old they are because I realized it was time to potty train when I caught the older one changing her younger sister's diaper.....then her own diaper. I started potty training that day.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 2 Apr 2008, 1:18, closed)

twat him.
he deserves it.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 2 Apr 2008, 17:58, closed)