Cuba
Continuing in my trend of contracting a dire rear in third world countries, I went on a trip to Cuba. Our tour-group was infested with middle-class gap-year students. This meant that hardly anyone knew that to flush a toilet with a broken flusher, you need to pour a bucket of water into the bowl. Needless to say, we hadn't been there long before every toilet in the toilet-block had a big brown poo floating in it. It was as if the toilet-block had become a physical version of ratemypoo.com . Was I expected to write a mark out of 10 on the cubicle-door for each deuce I encountered?

Like most of the group, I contracted a dire rear. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as dire rears go, but the plane journey back was interesting. Having filled the plane toilet with what resembles an Indian meal, I was still sitting down when we hit turbulence. I'm just glad that liquified shit stays together when shaken about violently, because otherwise, it could have been messy.

When I got back, I was too sick to go back to work, so when I came back to the office, I was given an official work sickness form. As well as asking what I was suffering from, they asked me to describe the symptoms. Was tempted to put "Pissin' rusty water out me arse", but as it was not an office filled with b3tans, I just settled for 'diarrhoea'.

Arse-pissers of the world - unite!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 17:30, Reply)