When it all goes wrong.
I was sitting at my desk at work last summer when I looked up and saw a guy I didn’t recognize, drenched in sweat, panting running towards me, closely followed by a wirey little fella in a B&Q shirt…which came as a bit of a surprise.

Sweaty panting guy just reaches the fire escape behind me as he’s rugby tackled by small wirey guy and they both go tumbling through into the car park…I spring into action following them out.

The wee wirey fella has managed to bang his head and is unconscious on the ground. I grab sweaty man and tell him we’re waiting for the Police. He’s getting more and more agitated makes a half hearted attempt to break free, tries to bribe me with his loot – a pair of pliers – and then starts to cry.

Then things start to get a bit weird

4 more B&Q guys arrive – also sweaty and panting, obviously not as fit as the wee wirey fella, who’s sort of woken up and is stumbling around the place looking confused.

The sweaty B&Q guys try and attack the pliers thief. While I’m doing my best to hold them off, pliers thief goes very pale, drops to the ground and has a full on thrashing around epileptic fit. One of the B&Q guys takes the opportunity to sit astride him and repeatedly punch him in the face…I punch the B&Q guy.

It’s really getting out of hand now – a couple of our security guards arrive and join the fray. Pliers thief appears to have stopped breathing, two of the B&Q guys are on the ground restrained buy our security staff. I'm shouting into my mobile that'd it be really good in the Police could get a move on.

Finally the police and ambulance arrive, pliers thief is soon revived and looking very confused now. Neither him or the wee wirey fella have a clue how, why, where they are and happily share an ambulance to the hospital.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 10 Jan 2008, 16:24, 5 replies)

Salad Fingers
I don't know why but this reminds me of an episode of Salad Fingers, the one where the armless man headbutts himself to death. Cheery.
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 16:26, closed)

Worth it?
Not the thief, the B&Q staff....

I mean, for what they're paid would YOU chase a thief who's stolen something of little value that doesn't even belong to you?

Soon as he was out the door I'd let him walk.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 17:00, closed)

What a strange over-reaction
perhaps beating up shoplifters is their way of relieving the boredom of a dull job.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 17:08, closed)

Interesting follow up
If "pliers thief" had been taken to court over it, he could have pleaded insanity and possibly been successful if it was the epilepsy that caused him not to know what he was doing!

Even more interestingly, if he had been doing it because he was schizophrenic, he can't plead insanity because a schizophrenic knows what they are doing is wrong.

/boring law blog
(Black sky No accidents since, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 22:41, closed)

It never went to court
I spoke with the wirey fella a couple of weeks later and niether the thief nor him could remeber much of what happend.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 11 Jan 2008, 11:02, closed)