I'm one of those people who always gets followed by store detectives
something about a guy with piercings and a mohawk always gets their attention, I don't think they actually think I'm gonna steal anything, I think they're just often harder than thou ex school bully 'failed bouncer' types enjoying their 'power' over the weirdo.

Anyhoo, I would regularly go in Next clothes store when a sale was on as they often had oddly 'alternative' clothing accessories that evidently didn't sell too well with their usual clientele, and a weirdo like me could pick up stuff he liked from the bargain bins for, like, 50p for a studded leather belt and such, but always with that fecking security guard obtrusively following me about with a look of determination to get me for some minor misdemeanor or other on his stupid face, or at least, piss me off.

SO, one day I had an idea: Everytime he got close to me, I stared at his crotch, or theatrically 'whispered' 'Oooh, nice arse!' when he turned around.

Strangely, he started keeping his distance from then on, in fact, he would actually disappear completely when he saw me enter the store.

It did occur to me I could then shoplift with gay abandon, but I've never actually nicked anything in my life, why would a guy who stands out as much as me be so daft, it's not like I would be hard to describe to the police!
( ..wil, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 0:04, 6 replies)

pfft
"shoplift with gay abandon"

I see what you did there :-P
(Mr._Pickles, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 1:46, closed)

I like
gay abandon... however I was always too fruity... and pulled... arse - not literally
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 1:50, closed)

I too
get followed around by shop security, as, I too, have a mohawk.

I like to think it's because I have a great arse though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 11:14, closed)

I'm lazy when it comes to haircuts
so generally just have it clippered short, as then I don't have to do anything with it, no pissing about with combing, gel etc. (and I wonder why I have little success with girls after making such an effort...)

Anyway, shortly after getting a haircut I sometimes get followed around by security etc. My utterly pointless game is to walk in circles around aisles, so that I end up following them. Their little minds struggle to work out how to follow me when it means walking directly towards me, bless.

As I said, utterly pointless, but a lot of what I do is so meh.
(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 12:39, closed)

Pffft!
I'd like to get a mohican, but if I bollocksed it up there'd be no way to remedy it other than shave my head and/or wear a hat for several months.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 15:17, closed)

Security
When I was a punk/proto-goth with orange hair living in Stockton-On-Tees and stood out from the crowd my friends and I were always followed by security in a couple of shops, mostly the big toyshop on the High Street and the Northern Electric shop where I had to go to pay my bill! In the former my friends and I ended up being on nodding terms with the lady 'undercover' detective (who always wore purple for some reason) although she still followed us. And what the hell did the N.E. people think we were going to nick, a bloody fridge?

And while they were watching us no doubt some non-descript individual was probably filling their pockets unobserved.

Now I work in a shop I know even more that it's not the distinctive types who nick, it's the subtle ones.

And old ladies with baskets.
(singingringingtree Living in the past., Sat 12 Jan 2008, 18:31, closed)