Nudey Mag Heist
At the age of about nine or ten, a group of mates and I conceived of, and successfully pulled off a complex nudey mag heist from Circle K in North Cheam.

The three targets were copies of Razzle, Fiesta and Knave. We avoided Penthouse and Playboy because their girls all looked too sensible and grown up.

Our plan was surprisingly complex (considering our ages) and it went something like this.

DAY ONE
12pm - lunchtime - known to be busy in the shop. Accomplice "X" enters Circle K and proceeds to the newspaper and magazine area. After picking up a Financial Times (despite this being a strange paper for a nine year old), wait for strategically quiet moment to slip a copy of each nudey mag into the broad sheet newspaper. After successfully securing the targets, (here is the cunning bit) proceed to the biscuit and crisp area, and slide the paper under the display shelves. Then purchase a packet of Ringos (Cheese and Onion) and some Monster Munch. Continue to pay for aforementioned potato / maize snacks and exit the store. Celebrate success of Phase One, by eating crisps with other accomplices.

DAY TWO
Again wait for lunch time, Accomplice "Y" proceeds to the crisp area to rendez vous with the stashed newspaper. Good news...its still there. Stuff the paper (containing stick mags) into the jacket and zip up. If confronted, maintain that this is yesterdays paper and how could I possibly be stealing it. We banked on this to perplex the sub-gibbon security guard. Fortunately, no need. Cover maintained and two cans of Vimto successfully purchased. Exit shop.

What a caper ! Oceans Eleven eat your heart out. Although we couldnt have been that clever, I seem to recall thinking that having a frothy piss after reading them was spunk.
(Mandrill, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 1:49, 5 replies)

Excellent
This is a winner.
Lol at 'Knave' - such a cr@p jazz mag.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 8:30, closed)

Fantastically over-complex
...but an impressive heist nonetheless. Bravo!
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 8:53, closed)

*clickety click*
Without a doubt the most ingenious porn theft I've come across!!!

And KNAVE was/is a most excellent choice. That was my 1st ever mucky mag :0)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 11:44, closed)

That is quite impressive.
You get a click.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 14:26, closed)

North Cheam, eh?
I was once in neighbouring Mordern, in a video shop to be precise, possibly Choices but my infantile mind neglects to remember the name of said shop I was frequenting. Anyway, my mother and I sent the man into the back room to find the disc for the Crash Bandicoot 3 game I wished to hire for 3 days for around the equivalent of 5 euros. At this point I took 5 packs of Pokemon cards, and I got Nidoking in shiney. I put them in my little Gap coat, and kept quiet. No-one saw a thing Jessop, keep yourself together. I did keep myself together. I prevailed.
(Purple Jessop Jessoping Purple all over your father, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 16:31, closed)