What with all the 'How To's' we're getting here, I thought a story of "How Not To' might be of interest as balance:
I was in Lidl, close to Xmas, stocking up on whiskey and stollen, and just as I was paying for my goods, this chav, whom I had clocked earlier as a twocker by the alcohol section due to his tell-tale heroin accent and habit of constantly voicing his own inner monologue, went whizzing past, grace of a camel, with arms wrapped tightly around his front, shouting, 'I put 'em back, so get yer story straight before you accuse someone, you set of c*nts!' and ran past the tills, right into the arms of the then startled and alerted security guard who immediately nabbed him just outside the store, aided and abetted by some passerby (who must have had the instincts and reactions of a hawk considering he wasn't even in the store!) who had grabbed him by the collar.

The thing is, I don't think any of the staff nor anyone other than me had even noticed him till he did his brilliant 'I've not done owt!!' gurning shouting sprint past the tills, so as he flailed about on the wet tarmac, bottles and cans squeezing out of every opening in his clothing, the whole store as one burst out laughing at him.

Don't do drugs, kids...
( ..wil, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 11:05, 2 replies)

Hahaha, brilliant
maybe he was practising his excuses and forgot he had a tendancy to voice his inner monologue?
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 12:10, closed)

i love it when chavs shout ' i didnt do noffin'

ahh, how i love ironic double negatives... :)
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 16:03, closed)