teenage years
I had a sister who was two years older than me; when she was about 16, she a) told me that I was a useless cunt who should kill himself, and b) got herself knocked up by a surfer dude, left school and ran away. I don't know which order that happened in, but she effectively gave up the right to call me her brother.

She has been in contact in the last few years and clearly has no recollection of (a) above, and probably thinks I'm weird for wanting nothing to do with her. I do not accept a biological relationship as implying that I have an obligation to deal with such a person. I would normally avoid.
( bnt what, me worry?, Sat 27 Dec 2008, 19:56, 6 replies)

How long ago was this? We all do silly and regrettable things when we are 16.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 27 Dec 2008, 21:40, closed)

exactly
If people were only allowed to form opinions of you based on your behaviour when you were 16, how many friends do you think you'd have right now?
I'm pretty sure both of my friends etc....
(Tony Macaroni hello, Thu 1 Jan 2009, 4:29, closed)

If it's an ongoing pattern though,
then I agree wholeheartedly.

Heck, I've hardly got any family left and spent Christmas day alone for the most part before watching DVDs with a mate after he was done with family.

But it was still worth it (*remembers Christmases with mum, and the subsequent ones with other family members trying to browbeat me into loving her, and shudders*).

Kudos to you.
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Sun 28 Dec 2008, 2:54, closed)

memory can be strange
It is far from inconceivable that she has no recollection of (a). Apart from the fact that she was 16 and, it seems, had her own stuff happening, forgetting things which ought to be important is surprisingly common. I met up with an ex of mine a couple of years ago - we had the massive (first) relationship, got very badly fucked up afterwards, and blah blah blah - on seeing each other, it turned out that we may as well have never met, for the similarities in our versions of events (However, he did freely admit that he had been a cunt at the end, which is what has allowed us to become friends again). Subsequent to this I have encountered the same phenomenon in others.

There does seem to be mileage in the thinking that she may have changed in the intervening years. It's up to you, obviously, but if she's actively trying to get in touch, you may be missing out on having a lovely new sibling (and niece/nephew), due to an outdated teenage resentment.

Just my two penn'orth, having had to shake my brother to make him let go of an entirely ludicrous resentment which took hold of him. We are good buds these days.
(entry_level_adultette, Mon 29 Dec 2008, 17:28, closed)

Couldn't agree more
I've got a similar situation with a brother I haven't seen for fifteen years on account of him being the most evil fucker in the world. I'm always having people saying: 'Well, if he got in touch now, so much time has passed...' etc etc etc. As far as Im concerned I dont have, and have never had a brother; growing up with someone who used to beat the shit out of me on a daily basis and put me in hospital regularly is more prevelant in my mind than the fact that we are biologically related. Nice post. Its good to talk.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 30 Dec 2008, 10:53, closed)

...
I totally understand a) but as everyone is saying when I was sixteen i was horrid its definitly the worst age im about to turn twenty and I look back and cringe at the horrible way i behaved even 2 years ago! Im so embaressed i do try and act like it didnt happen just too cringeworthy too shaming kinda want to sweep that up under the carpet y'know! And b) doesnt seem a very fair reason, if i'd got pregnant at 16 and ran away i dont think that would make me a bad person, i feel sorry for her myself!

Why not try and make up with your sister, maybe its not about biology but you lived together for 16 years - you probably have more shared memorys and experiences with her than anyone else. Its a relertionship like no-other really and worth trying to work at i think. But then again i don't know you or your sister!
(loobyla, Fri 2 Jan 2009, 1:36, closed)