Your story sounds too much like my nephew.
His mother STILL hasn't told him that the man who raised him isn't his biological father.......the kid is almost 20.

But for him, his biological father does know about him. My sister left him for the guy she ended up marrying and asked him to sign away his paternal rights. Then the step-dad adopted him. But they never told the kid about the adoption or the bio-father.

I think it is wrong, but it isn't my kid and I don't have to lead her life.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 2 Jan 2009, 3:34, 1 reply)

It's tricky
Obviously I'd have preferred to have known my entire life - I have a friend who's adopted and it's always been made clear to her that's the case. That way, it wouldn't have come as such a shock when she finally did tell me. She said that she was going to tell me when I was sixteen, then eighteen, then twenty-one, but life kept getting in the way.

My instant thought when I read your response was 'They shouldn't tell him!' but I know that's not the right response, just the emotional one. When I was told, something shifted in my brain, some biological imperative to recover and discover that missing 50% of my heritage. It almost felt like the final piece of the jigsaw fell into place, although I know that'll happen when I find him.

So my advice would be, if they think if could handle it, he should know. And the sooner the better.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 2 Jan 2009, 6:19, closed)