Finally a topic I can answer
Paddy and Murphy on a desert island, been there for almost 2 weeks. Not a scrap of food around, and both are near death from the hunger. So, after much exploration, near the centre (not center you yank feckers) of the island they find a cave with a big locked door and a thick glass window. Through the window they see years worth of food sitting waiting for them. Unfortunately they cannot open the door, which makes them break down in dispair.
At that point, a smelly witch appears from nowhere with a loud pop.
"Well isn't this nice," says the witch."I've got men begging at my door, and I'm as horny as a mule." Paddy and Murphy have both seen that donkey video clip going around the internet, took one look at the witch and both shuddered. The witch continued;
"If you of you two fine looking men will take the pleasure of doing me good doggie, I will unlock this door and you can eat to your hearts content." The guys look at each other, and decide that it's better than starving to death. Both are not fussed with the idea of being the man who will fuck her however, as her smell is causing them much nausea from 3 yards away. After picking the short straw, Murphy has got the unclean task of doing her. The witch, with a wicked glint in her squinty eye, leads him away from the door around a large bush.
The witch turns away, giggles "Ohhh you better be good!" and leans forward. As she does this, she drops her stinking knickered, which are covered with a strange yellow lumpy goo, which is dripping from her unwashed nether regions. Murphy reels backwards, and thinks that there is no way on God's Green Earth that his cock was placed on this island to enter that crawling acid pit of a minge.Hang about thinks Murphy she's facing away from me, what if I use something else?. He spies a small branch from the nearby bush, and quietly snaps it off. He then carefully pushes it up her, and the witch starts moaning. After 2 minutes of this, the witch totally oblivious that she's being frigged by a stick, is loving it and goes to get up. Quickly, Murphy pulls the stick out, which is absolutely covered in thick lumpy yellow puss, and chucks it over the bush.
"Ohh that was nice" says the witch, "but I wanted it better. You've gotta go harder than that if you want that food!" With that, the witch bends back over.
Murphy goes back to the bush, and snaps off a thicker branch, then quickly rams it up her foul clit. After 3 minutes of ramming it up her yellow puss-pipe and her moaning in pleasure, she goes to get back up again. Murphy, as quick as ever, pulls the branch out, covered in yellow puss lumps, and chucks it over the bush. The witch stands up, a bit sweaty etc and says "That was almost there, but I'm after that bit of ommmph before you eat." With that she leans back over.
Right, fuck this thinks Murphy and pulls out the biggest branch from the bush, 4 inch diameter, and battering charges it up her yellow puss hole. After 4 minutes of ramming this, and the stinking witch singing in esctasy, she collapses on the floor in a heap. He pulls the branch out, which is dripping in puss, and throws it over the bush. The witch gets up rather dizzily, and drops a key in his hand.
"Cheers pet", and with that, she was gone.
Murphy runs around to the locked door, where Paddy is sitting.
"Paddy, Paddy, I got the key, we can eat, we're saved!"
"Fuck the food locker" says Paddy, "I want more of that Corn on the Cob that you've been throwing over."

Boom Boom
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 21:57, Reply)