Several sick jokes...
A man goes to the doctors because his penis has turned black. "I've just come back from a trip to China," he says, "And I had sex with a chinese prostitute."

"Sorry," says the Doctor, "You've got Chinese Cock Disease, you'll have to have it amputated."

The man is very upset so he goes to a chinese medicine shop for advice.

"No," says the Chinese guy, "No need to have it amputated."

"Thank God for that" says the man.

"No," says the Chinaman, "In two, three days, it fall off by itself!"

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The madam answers the whorehouse door and sees a man sitting there in a wheelchair.

"Look at you," she sneers, "No arms, no legs, what on earth are you going to do?"

He replied, "I rang the fucking doorbell didn't I?"

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Q. What's got four legs and goes "Fffffffffffffff?"

A. Rod Hull's television set.

Q. What were Rod Hull's favourite washing powder and fabric softener?

A. "Ariel" and "Bounce".

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1. What's the fastest thing in Africa? - An Ethiopian Chicken.

2. What's the second fastest thing in Africa? - the guy chasing it.

3. What's the third fastest thing in Africa? - The Blue Peter Camera Crew filming it.

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Q. What do you call 100 Lawayers up to their necks in sand?

A. Not enough sand.

Q. What do you call a field full of dead Frenchmen?

A. A good day's shooting.

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An 80 year old man appeared on Blind Date, but didn't get chosen. Cilla Black felt sorry for him so they ended up in bed together. After they had finished, Cilla said, "Wow, that was great! For an 80 year old you sure know how to please a woman, is there any thing I can do for you?"
"Yes," said the man, "When we go to sleep, keep both your hands on my penis."
An hour later Cilla feels a stirring in her hands, so she wakes the man up and they do it again, before falling asleep with her hands on his penis. Three times she wakes him up and each time they fall asleep she puts her hands round his penis. In the morning Cilla asks him: "Does keeping my hands on a man's penis really help him to get it up again and again?"
"Not really," said the man, "But last time I fucked a Scouser she stole my wallet, and I just wanted to know where your hands were."

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Q. What's white and takes the piss out of old people's clothes?

A. A washing machine.

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Q. How does a Chav girl turn the light on after sex?

A. Opens the car door.

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Two tramps are walking down a railway line when they find a dead rabbit. The first tramp starts eating but the other one just sits there. "Aren't you having any?"
"No, I'm waiting for a hot meal."
Half an hour later the first tramp feels ill, and is sick. The second tramp pulls a spoon out of his pocket. "Just what I was waiting for," he said, "A hot meal."

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Ticket to Hull, please


( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 3:40, Reply)