Time-saver
So you don't waste time reading through the 15 pages of posts, here's the punchlines of the tired gags that have been submitted umpteen times already:

You don't have to walk back on your own.
Cot death.
Neehi was in the van.
There's 20 of them.
A rape victim.
An erection.
A baby nailed to 10 trees.
I dont have a mercedes/ferrari/BMX/cadillac in my garage.
I didn't get leukemia.
Hypothermia.
You can't unload the marbles with a pitchfork.

Har de har.

Here's one I heard at the Embra festival: I entered a marathon once but my knob got covered in peanuts and chocolate.

And my favourite A man goes into a newsagent and is very impressed by the chest of the young lady behind the counter. Somewhat distracted he says: "Pack of fitter tits please. Oops, sorry, I mean filter tips." She goes bright red and tosses said items across the counter to him. Embarrassed, he pays and leaves. He gets into his mate's car and tells him about the dreadful gaff. His friend is sympathetic and says: "Don't worry, it was a slip of the tongue. A common mistake. It happens all the time. Why just the other day I meant to ask my wife: 'Darling, pass the marmalade' and what came out was: 'You've ruined my life you sad, ugly gut-bucket'."

Apologies for not posting a joke that dozens of others have already.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 12:17, Reply)