very long joke (no apologies, because I'm a bastard)
One day, little Timmy is walking home from school on Friday afternoon when he sees a poster which says "Circus in town on Saturday - 20p admission". Timmy rushes home, opens his piggy bank and finds that he has exactly 20p. He sleeps with the coin held tight in his hand all night, and wakes up the next morning, ready to go to the circus.

He gets to the circus and waits in the queue. When he gets to the front, he hands over his 20p and gets in. First, he goes to see the trapeze artists, twirling gracefully through the air. Then he sees the lion tamer, holding back the lion with a whip and an upturned chair. Then, finally, he gets to the big top. 2 clowns come onto the stage in a tiny car. They do the wallpaper sketch, and throw water over each other, then they say "we need someone from the audience to tell a joke". Timmy's hand shoots up in the air, and he screams "ME ME ME!!!". The clowns pick him out of the audience.

The first clown says "what's your name little boy?". Timmy replies "my name's Timmy". The clown says "ok Timmy, we're going to make a horse, what part of the horse do you think you'll be?"
"Will I be the head?"
"No"
"Will I be the tail?"
"No"
"Will I be the fetlocks?"
"No.... you'll be the arse!"
The whole crowd erupts with laughter, and Timmy rushes out of the circus in tears. He decides then that he will get those clowns back for what they did.

During the year, Timmy gets a job to save up some money. Then he sets aside 20p for the circus, and uses the rest of the money he earns to take night classes to teach him the art of witty come-backs. The next year rolls around, and Timmy once again sees the circus poster. He gets the 20p he had saved for the circus, and holds it tight in his hand all night, ready to go to the circus the next morning.

The morning finally arrives, and he gets to the circus and waits in the queue. When he gets to the front, he hands over his 20p and gets in. First, he goes to see the trapeze artists, twirling gracefully through the air. Then he sees the lion tamer, holding back the lion with a whip and an upturned chair. Then, finally, he gets to the big top. 2 clowns come onto the stage in a tiny car. They do the wallpaper sketch, and throw water over each other, then they say "we need someone from the audience to tell a joke". Timmy knows that the clowns won't recognise him, since they've been travelling around the country all year, so he puts his hand up. Once again, the clowns pick him out of the audience.

The first clown says "what's your name little boy?". Timmy replies "my name's Timmy", this time with much less boyish enthusiasm, as if he's going through the motions. The clown says "ok Timmy, we're going to make a horse, what part of the horse do you think you'll be?"
"Will I be the head?"
"No"
"Will I be the tail?"
"No"
"Will I be the fetlocks?"
"No.... you'll be the arse!"
The whole crowd erupts with laughter.

At that point, Timmy stands square up to the clowns. He looks them in the eye, and with a steely determination, replies...




FUCK OFF YOU RED-NOSED CUNTS
(Mystery Woo Yay Boy, Fri 10 Sep 2004, 14:43, Reply)