Top billing
I fought a goose and won.

In my defence, he fucking started it, the beaky twat!
(csdaveuk, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 16:05, 3 replies)

Fighting geese is sometimes necessary.
The belligerent bastards always fucking start it. The fucker I had to deal with made a beeline for me from the other side of the Thames; it honked and hissed at me on the other bank, plunged into the water, swam across, dragged itself out, spread it's wings wide, and then charged at me).

I fled, accidentally leaving my lunch box on the bench within easy pecking distance of the bugger. My course of action was to get a sturdy forked stick which I positioned to catch it's neck if it should try to go for me while I drove it back to retrieve my lunch.

No amount of explanation that it was the arsehole in this situation was enough to placate some angry passing pensioners.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 17:41, closed)

I kicked a pheasant around for hours
Damned birdbrain won that match.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 23:29, closed)

I fought Allah
And Allah won.

Rematch is in 6 months, I need to work on my jab and footwork, he sure was hard to pin down...
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Mon 20 Oct 2014, 11:24, closed)