Ouch
Before we start, you should know that I'm 6'3 and quite burly (read: a bit fat)

Some years ago, friends and I were watching England get knocked out of the world cup on penalties.

Oh well, never mind, lets get lashed.

Some drinks too many, we were walking to the taxi rank, whereupon I spotted a large piece of rolled up paper on the floor. Perhaps it was the wrapping from some chips, I'm not sure.

"This is how you take a penalty lads" my mouth uttered, almost of its own accord.

I took a suitably impressive run up.

It had been raining, and the ground was a little slippery, but that's no excuse for my lack of grace and elegance.

I kicked the paper with the sort of power that would make Zeus jealous. The paper moved about one meter, and my momentum slid my other foot out from under me and my not inconsiderable frame descended earthwards at some speed.

My reactions were so dulled with ale, that I didn't manage to get my hands out to break my fall, so my elbow had to do it instead.

It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced. My arm was actually broken (well, cracked), although I didn't find that out for another day.

I thought my "friends" were literally going to explode from laughing so much.
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 14:54, 1 reply)

still guffaw-ing
I started laughing when I read "This is how you take a penalty lads" and continued straight through until the end. Marvelous!
(jessemoya, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 2:41, closed)