Colin vs the Icy Canal
Way back in 1996, my final year in Secondary before the inevitable promotion to the sixth form, we experienced a bit of a cold snap - some snow and every body of water freezing over. One thing that our school had was the "Canal" - an (obviously) man-made water-way that was in all honesty, just an over-elaborate pond system.

Something else that our school had was Colin - chief trouble-maker, mental case and tormented ginger. He was never a bully, never really picked on anyone, but had a predilection for acting the fool purely for attention (for example, kicking the water tap at the front of the biology class room, flooding it to "show me how it's done"). Others, however liked to target him from time to time.

Anyway, this particularly cold day, the Canal had frozen over. As was the way, we were all outside during lunch, freezing our respective behinds off. Someone managed to grab Colin's bag, and within moments, it was sliding down the canal having been released by a fellow student with the skill and grace of a champion Curler.

Colin was livid, and after a few minutes of rampant cursing and swearing, he scaled the railings that were present on only one bank and literally dashed, without sliding (to his eternal credit) over the ice, snatching up the bag mid-run and coming to a halt on the far side. The crowd of students cheered. A huge grin spread across his face, and at the same time as a wonderful idea filtered through is brain:

"If they loved that, surely they'll cheer even louder if I do it again!"

Suddenly, Colin leaped from the far bank, minus the skill and control of his first attempt, sliding half the distance and crashing into the railings, this side of the Canal. A faintly audible *crack* was heard by those of us not cheering.

"AGAIN, AGAIN!" went the rabble of students.

Now at this point, any sane person would have said "thank you ladies and gentlemen!", taken a bow, and not tempted fate for a third time. Colin was not a sane person, and proceeded to perch himself on the railings.

In his troubled mind, he must have seen himself soar off the railing with the grace of a ginger bird of prey. In reality, he plummeted 4 foot onto the ice which gave a satisfyingly loud series of *cracks* and promptly gave way. Colin, after much difficulty dragged his half frozen and extremely wet self onto the far bank.

The cheering had ceased, and in its place the sound of everyone laughing.

I nearly passed out from the lack of breath and how much my diaphragm hurt form the laughing I did; and soon the tale of Colin vs the Icy Canal passed into my school's rich tapestry of lore...
( theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 16:20, 1 reply)

Hahahahahahaha
Aceness.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 16:31, closed)