Pearoast, with profanity -
While the then boyf was changing the oil filter on his car I wandered over to the book case and picked up the relevant manual.

Hmmm, I thought, how clever the boyf is, to attempt that job without the manual.

Turning to the 'How To Change Oil Filter' page, I read 'do NOT attempt to remove old filter by piercing it with a screwdriver...'

Just then, a strange strangled sound was emitted from beneath the car, as the Boyf learned for himself that the rest of the sentence read (I paraphrase) 'because if you do a load of fucking oil will shoot up your fucking sleeve and you will fucking bang your fucking head on the fucking underside of the fucking car.'
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 19:36, 9 replies)

Click!
Did he also make a gurgling noise whilst swallowing large amounts of oil?
(russet_gusset up the reds, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 20:28, closed)

I made that noise
from choking with laughter.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 20:44, closed)

It does work sometimes
... but after a few incidents with the metal casing of the filter tearing like a tin of corned beef and cutting my hand to shreds I thought it best to get a chain wrench.

All was well until my then current girlfriend had probs with black sludge in her VW Polo. Her Dad had tried to do an oil and filter change and apparently had failed.

So I drove to Oxford to pick the girlfriend up and then down to Salisbury where her car was at her parents.

Linda's Mum and Dad were out, but she had a key.

Apparently her Dad had got stuck removing the filter, so I got the trusty chain wrench out and placed chain around the filter, except I got my fingers caught on huge sharp bits of metal.

Yes my dear Girlfriend's Dad had tried spearing the filter with a screwdriver too!!! I wish he had left a note, warned me or even left the screwdriver in situ! I had no idea the filter was ripped with sharp edges!

I wrapped a bit of cloth over my shredded fingers and my girlfriend then applied several plasters to the multiple wounds.

Just as I returned to the VW there was an amazing car crash noise outside! It was a 4 car pile up! Linda swept the worst of the bumpers and broken lights up whilst I with a heavy duty pair of gloves on finally removed the filter.!

Sleeve full of oil you can get anyway, but spearing the filter can cause nasties!!
( Vambo, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 23:59, closed)

Looks like the boyf got off lightly then!
We send the bangers for servicing these days. Healthier all round.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 23 Jan 2010, 8:00, closed)

You should probably add...
a load of HOT fucking oil
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sat 23 Jan 2010, 11:49, closed)

Yup, indeed!
My bad - it certainly was. Fucking hot, in fact.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 23 Jan 2010, 18:44, closed)

Errr...
Aren't you supposed to wait until the engine is cold before attempting this procedure?
(har mar supermarket, Sun 24 Jan 2010, 14:03, closed)

No
you want it nice and runny
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Mon 25 Jan 2010, 0:18, closed)

It's funnier
that way. FACT.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 15:52, closed)