C2C
A few years ago, a couple of mates and me rode the Coast to Coast route from Newhaven to Sunderland with an arranged tour as a pre-stag party in Newcastle. There was 4 of us, another group of 3, a guy on his own and the guide.

The group of three and us got on really well, but the bloke on his own was an utter plank. We were all pretty shit cyclists, but he turned up with all the gear, a bike worth more than my 1st flat, all the gels, shakes and rehydration stuff and enough GPS/sat nav's to invade a foreign country. To compare, I'd bought my phone and some bags of Disco's (best crisps ever).

First day goes well and we all go out for a few pints in Keswick, and on the second day we get further than we should and we reach what the guide calls "the worst 10 miles on the route". All I remember was a pub, a left turn and then uphill for ever. About 6 miles (I'm sure it wasn't very steep but at the end of the day we were all knackered) up and we reach the top at a complete crawl, and stop for a quick drink before descending.

To be fair to our guide, he warns us that the way down is steeper than the ascent, but we are ok until the cattle grid; after that, just roll and keep your back brake on. The chap on his own gets out his spare bag, swaps his front and back wheel out for less drag and then just says "You guys get started, I really want to burn this"

We all enjoy the descent, clocking about 35mph and then there is a cattle grid, and we all brake. Thank Jebus we did; for at the bottom is a 90 degree turn with a nice dry stone wall in front of you. Down comes Mr "Burn this", and he must be clocking 50 mph, goes to pop on his brakes, and all we hear is "Shit....... cables aren't done up".....

He smashes into the wall, attached to his bike by his pedal cleats, and flies about 20m through the air, somersaulting like a Charlie Chaplin extra, and lands arse first in a field full of shit.

I have never laughed so hard....
(The Kitchen Sink, Wed 8 Oct 2014, 23:17, 3 replies)

This tickled me,
although I've never heard of a cyclist carrying a spare set of wheels, before.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Oct 2014, 9:04, closed)

Genuinely lolled at "Shit....... cables aren't done up"
I like the idea of preemptively explaining his monumental fuck up.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 9 Oct 2014, 11:41, closed)

You are incorrect about Discos.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Oct 2014, 12:46, closed)