Music was my first love, and it will be my last...
Like, I imagine, a fair number of people, music means far more to me than just "whatever's in the charts". I have several songs which I've heard at perfect moments, both good and bad.

A few years ago I was going out with a girl I was at uni with. This being my first grown-up relationship I was over the moon, head filled with all sorts of happy thoughts about our future, post-graduation, marriage, etc. I didn't voice these thoughts to her but I was quietly confident that she was "the one".

More fool me.

Six months in I noticed that she was getting more distant and withdrawn. I asked what was wrong, got the response of "nothing" and foolishly assumed that it was uni stress bringing her down. So to cheer her up I booked a Travelodge in London, to stay over after I'd taken her to see one of the generic indie bands she was fond of. Throughout the gig she was fidgeting distractedly, but I put this down to the presence of a mutual friend of ours who was also at the gig with us. (Spotted where this is going? You're much smarter than I was.)

After the gig we were hanging round in the venue (Astoria if anyone's setting a scene) when suddenly she turned to look me in the eye for the first time that night.

"James, this isn't working. I've been seeing -mutual friend- for two months and don't want to string you along any more."

No doubt she said more, probably about wanting to still be friends, but all I could focus on was holding myself together. What didn't help was at that moment the soundboard chap decided to play No Surprises by Radiohead. That song and the crushing feeling of despair will forever be linked in my mind.

But the story doesn't end there. Being a manly man I fled, not wanting to be around them (understandably) and wandered round London in a daze. I remember sitting on a bridge over the railway out of King's Cross, half listening listening to a shuffled selection of songs on my mp3 player and waiting for the first train of the morning for me to throw myself under. Then a song came on that penetrated the funk I was in. It was Rilo Kiley's "A Better Son/Daughter" (I'll put up a link to it in the replies when I can) and it could not have been a more apt song to hear at that moment in my life. It was the equivalent of a mate slinging their arm round my shoulders and saying "yeah, life's a bit shit at the moment. But it'll get better, I promise, just fake happiness, until it's second nature".

I must've listened to that song two dozen times on repeat until I felt ready to face the world again. Walking back to Victoria to catch the first train I took a short-cut through Green Park, still listening to Rilo Kiley. As the track changed to With Arms Outstretched (which is that post party glow in song form) the morning sun burst through the clouds, lighting up everything with a spring glow and I just fell to the ground, sobbing with all the emotion that I'd pent up over the night. It was a beautiful sight, and I nearly missed it and many others by taking the easy option.

Apologies for length and spelling errors (writing this on a less than smart phone), this was more cathartic than anything else. Music's really amazing if you just listen.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 22:58, 2 replies)

Lyrics
Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
That god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
Crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
You'll be better
And You'll be smarter
And more grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
And your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of 'em
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Fri 29 Jan 2010, 0:09, closed)

I'm so sorry;
But as moving as the story is, I have to throw in the inevitable Star trek gag:

Jamesthegill and Rilo at GreenPark!
Rilo, his arms outstretched!
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Mon 1 Feb 2010, 17:24, closed)