Jo, the 40 year-old teenager
My now-wife's aunt, Jo, is a prime example of the over-protected molly-coddled brat.

Firstly, although she looks good for her age and is rather fit (she rides a lot, so you know it'd be good), she is, after all, 40. Yet, she dresses like a 14-year old girl - either horsey-stuff (jodphurs, boots and tight t-shirt) or tops and jeans that might look good on a teenager, but certainly don't suit her.

Then there's the constant whinging. Nothing's ever right. Yes, she had an ex-husband who was a bit of a womaniser and who gambled, but to be honest, if I'd married her, I'd have gone off the rails, too. She's got a kitchen with a £1000 cooker, yet she never, ever cooks. Ever. She'll drink a bottle of wine, eat a whole cheesecake, then bemoan the world and blame everyone else for her problems.

She moans about being lonely, so when she met a guy we all thought "thank fuck". Then she decided he was too into the idea of a relationship and she wanted to just have some fun and no-strings. He understandably told her to get fucked after she'd put him through the mill (not to mention getting him to build a stable block for her 3, yes 3, horse - only 1 of which can be ridden).

Then she met a guy who was up for jus a bit of bouncy fun and to be a mate. That lasted about a month before she wanted to have a relationship, but he didn't. So she went after the other guy again, saying she loved him. Then did it again.

She's a sales rep for a medical company and, because she's a) usually hungover, b) too busy fart-arsing around with horses (personally, I'd shoot the lot of them and sell them for glue) or c) shagging her fuckbuddy or, d) driving her "boyfriend" mental, she's hardly made a sale in a year. Her company has lent her money to move house, bought her a new Land Rover Freelander to replace the usual company hatchback (so she could tow the horses), pays her phone bill and internet and lets her work from home as and when she pleases.

Finally, her boss said that, given the fact she blew a £3Million deal by not turning up, he'd had enough and was going to fire her. She immediately signed off sick due to "depression" and fired off a load of emails to her boss' boss accussing her boss and her colleagues of bullying her and implying that was the reason she'd not performed well at work.

They gave her three months fully-paid leave to "recover", during which time she's finished the garden, redecorated the house and played at being mummy's girl to get sympathy. She has now made a miraculous recovery (primarily because she still has a job and everyone is now scared to criticise her, no matter how bad her work is) and returns to work this month.

I could slap her silly, I really could.

Admittedly, though, when I was first seeing my missus and was introduced to her, I did think "if it goes tits-up with my girl, I could have a crack at the aunt - she seems easy" - I'm ashamed to admit that she does have a very fine ass.
(Chad, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:32, 6 replies)

Why not
slap her ass?
And crack one off later.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:42, closed)

good point...
part of me would happily wear her like a nosebag....
(Chad, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:47, closed)

threesome?
just a suggestion
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:51, closed)

If I hadn't fallen for my missus...
and was just doing to squelchy mambo with her, I'd have got them pissed and thrown out the suggestion...

As it is, I'm a happily married fella. The benefit is that I am now "family", so people don't mind wandering round in robes/PJs/Underwear before a night out, so I have had an eye-full. huzzah!
(Chad, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:10, closed)

Always best
to have one in reserve.
( FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:56, closed)

Excellent post...

*enclickety*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 13 Oct 2008, 9:17, closed)