When I was forced to play rugby at school, I didn't know the rules. My PE teacher shouted random things at me that I was doing wrong. I didn't understand what he was shouting, I presumed that this was because I thought I didn't know the rules of rugby.

Being older now, and watching professional rugby, particularly at international level, I understand why. The rules of rugby are made up on the spot. Rugby is essentially a game that involves 22 very large men playing Mornington Crescent on a football pitch whilst carrying a pigs testicle, and having a fight if they don't like the outcome.

So now this explains to me much of my childhood confusion. My PE teacher didn't understand the rules of rugby either. Unlike me he was too stupid to realise that he didn't understand the rules of rugby, so he made stuff up on the spot. He then shouted random stuff at the players on the pitch, in the same way professional rugby refs that he'd seen on TV, but safe in the knowledge that a 4'6" 4-stone schoolkid isn't going to react to being called cupid stunt in the same way a 6'6" 22-stone professional player might.

As far as I know my PE teacher has gone on to become a professional rugby referee on TV, hence completing the viscious circle by befuddling the current future generation of PE teachers watching his performance on telly.

Or something.
(Wilton Mitrowserz, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 17:59, Reply)