'Tennis Racket' carnage
We had a tubby lad called Martin in our school who didn't take losing too well. The fact that he was totally inept at any of the 'sports' on offer meant that every sports day was a happy one. He, like me got lumped in the 'Egg and Spoon' race. Our school, being one of the poorest in the town was never very good at sports days. Sacks with holes in the bottoms, split bean bags etc etc. Too put it in short - the equipment was shoddy. They couldn't even afford Eggs and Spoons so they made us race with oversized ping-pong bats (called Tennis Rackets by the teachers but they were fooling nobody) and bean bags. The Egg and Spoon race is usually one that requires a steady hand and a quick pace but all this one required was the pace as it was virtually impossible to inadvertently knock the bean bag off the tennis racket unless you had Parkinsons.

Fast forward to sports day as me, Martin and several other children lined up. The gun went (Our school was again so poor that the gun in question was the deputy head shouting 'GO!') and we all ran like mad to the end of the field. It ended in seconds. I came nowhere but I was way ahead of Martin. Once it dawned on him that he had lost another race he let out a scream of frustration and flung this heavy, wooden tennis racket into a crowd of onlooking parents. Unfortunately Martin had threw his racket not only into the crowd but at the Head who was doing the whole caring teacher thing to the parents.

The Head suffered a broken nose and a tarnished reputation (he swore like a docker at Martin) and Martin didn't suffer that much at all, infact he became some what of a legend around these parts. Shame he got expelled like.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Thu 30 Mar 2006, 18:12, Reply)