6th time unlucky... where...
*throws cat if this doent post properly*
does one start.

Never having been particulalry good in the old love stakes I consider it actually good fortune to have attracted a real life stalker, on more than one occasion.

A few years ago in what is essentially a baren lanscape of a love life I pulled an internet girl... Woo hoo... she was real life and had blood flowing through her veins...

anyway I digress...

after a few weeks of chatting we decide upon that awkward initial meeting... dates and location are decided upon - and so the story begins.

We meet and have a good afternoon together, there is quite a bit of sexual tension, but seeing as shes driving - I cant rely on lady alcohol to do its job... but I shouldnt have worried.

Fast forward a few hours - and she invites me back to hers... score!

Trundling back in her small car - the air awash with sexual tension, we do what every young English couple do on thier first date - thats it - we go for a kebab.

Meaty rat meat treat gobbled, we make our way to her house... to be met by her father - who by all means seems unfazed by the appearance of a strange young man in the clutches of his daughter, this in hindsight should have given me ample warning that this young scarlet was not quite the virgin to which she proclaimed - anyway - I wasnted a piece of action and she was as I said - female and alive.

fast forward a few more hours, and we were on her bed, watching some trite, whilst attached via mouths... she gave me a blow job, but wouldnt let me plunge my tuppence worth into her golden gates, as her dad was still up... fair enough I thought perhaps she is actually quite decent...

morning time rears its smelly head, we both shower - independantly - her father goes off to work... and then the unhingedness begins...

we go back to bed and some frolicking ensues... when she starts to beg me for sex... literally, beg... never having been in this situation before I froze... and with a clear mind... I refuse.. I point blankedly say no to sex - to a real life girl - naked - in a large bed - right next to me... and this dear listeners, is exactly where it goes down hill...

Rapidly...

...Hangover Soup... hair of the dog... and lift back home...

then not a word... not a reply to a text, not a single flirty email - and certainly no msn contact... OK thinks I...

Then I start to notice a certain car - a ford KA, outside my house, at 7.30 in the morning, and 5.45 in the evening... every freaking day...

so not only did I spurn a bird, but I got a reminder of it every single day for a month...

Oh and as a side note, looking back she wasnt actually all that hot... but seeing as I resemble some form of woodland fungus, with matching smell, she was somewhat of a catch... however, this is where I turned stalker... for soon after our 24 hours of pashion, she decided a makeover was order of the day...

She lost weight, clipped and painted her horns - all the womanly things that men dont understand, and we go for a drink - when I suggest that we go back to hers for a bit of hows your father - an important meeting in conjured - and into the night she doth do battle - to never be seen again...

Arse - she got really fit too...
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 19:23, 1 reply)

"let me plunge my tuppence worth into her golden gates"
how cute
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 4 Feb 2008, 2:11, closed)