Psycho Kerry, qu'est-ce que c'est?
Sometimes I feel like I have a large pink neon sign above my head saying, 'Hey weirdos! Come talk to me!' And they do. And then sometimes they follow me.

Shoe Man was not so bad. I met him in Priceless Shoes in Huddersfield when he noticed I was trying on size 9s and they were still too small. He said he dreamt about feet like mine and wondered if I wanted to come to his flat and walk on him. He buy me shoe, my boyfriend can come too. I politely declined. From then on every time I went shopping, he would follow me around saying 'I buy you shoe. I dream your feet.' He was fairly harmless.

Even more harmless still was an ageing man with learning difficulties in the face who got on my bus. He desperately wanted me to go to his house and meet his mum and was willing to miss his stop every single day just for a few more minutes of persuasion. I felt sorry for him.

Crazy mans from Huddersfield, I could deal with. Crazy lesbians from Castleford, I could not.

I met her at college. She bummed a cigarette off me in the first week of my second year, and we had a chat. I like talking, I like new people, and I hadn't learned that someone who wears those hideous skirt-over-trousers things that were fashionable for ten minutes in 1999 with a navy blue bomber jacket every single day must be at least a bit tapped. She was fucking mental. God-botheringly rug-munchingly violently tearfully mental. It's a long story, but basically:

- She went to all my lessons, to sit outside the door waiting for me. Even the three-hour ones. She had two days off, but would come in just to wait outside doors for me.

- She would text me on average ten times a day. More on weekends. My fella at the time was not very understanding and very suspicious so I spent hours hiding in toilets trying to reply to them, for of course, not replying led to threats upon both of our lives. It didn't help that she seemed to think of vowels as a waste of a character so just understanding the texts took ages, and a misunderstanding would also lead to threats of suicide etc.

- She came with me to the open day at Sheffield university. On the train, she grabbed my hand, and then didn't let go all day. It was sweaty.

- Every day at college, I would have my character assassinated in the smoking area, often for hours, just because I talked to someone else, or didn't reply to a text.

I was very stupid about it and handled it very badly, but it was just because I truly believed she was a nice person underneath, and to be fair to her, when she was normal (5% of the time), she was lovely, and she had had a lot of problems in her life etc. etc.

She couldn't follow me to Sheffield, but now she texted me about thirty times a day, going from how great our friendship was and psychological analysis to Y FCKNG CNT and death threats, followed just as quickly by protestations of undying love. Eventually I sent her a letter telling her, basically, just to leave me alone. In the fullness of time, she did- although I got a text from her about a month ago, asking why I had to ruin her life, which I duly ignored.

I still have to have my phone on silent because the message alert tone sends me into paroxysms of fear.

Stupid thing is, as soon as I left college, she started doing the same thing to the only other friend I managed to keep there. Instead of putting up with it and desperately trying to believe that inside Psycho Kerry was a beautiful and worthy soul, she told her to fuck off. It worked.

The moral of the story is: don't be nice to people. Especially crazed lesbian christian types with bomber jackets.

Sorry for length and lack of teh funny- it's my first time!
(herrings, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 0:22, 3 replies)

Run run run away!
Choon.
(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 1:41, closed)

I hereby proclaim
"learning difficulties in the face" to be the best line I've heard so far this week!

Ok, it's only Monday afternoon, but I think that's going to take some beating.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 12:59, closed)

Yes
"...still have to have my phone on silent..."

I get exactly the same thing. I had to put my ex GF on a different ringtone so that when my folks/friends/people who weren't incessantly going over the reasons and causes of our break up (me) rang, my heart didn't explode/leap out of my throat/stop.

Not pleasant.
(Shifty weeeee, Wed 6 Feb 2008, 15:56, closed)