the ongoing saga
I know this lovely girl, and i think i will call her Jane. For that is one of her names.

Jane and I attended the same university and, lo and behold, the same classes. She was a pretty little thing, slightly highly strung, but with prettiness enough to make up for this.

I get chucked from my big 6 year relationship (curse you, you licentious, lascivious harpy!) and i hit the dating scene again. I strike up conversation with Jane, with whom i'd never spoken with before, and arrange for coffee. Alarm bells should start about here.

She agrees heartily, we have a few drinks, get to know one another. We wander the town for a while, chatting away. Her life is seemingly an open book. She talks vividly about her ex (Alarm bells should start about here.) and their prior sex life, as well as her self-harm (Alarm bells should start about here.) and thoughts of never trusting men ever again (Alarm bells should start about here.).

We head back to her place, i think "I'm in!" and my cock controls my thoughts thereafter. We don't fuck. I'm a little disappointed, but after 6 hours of preparatory (yes 6 HOURS) chat it all fizzles out. Due to her not being able to kiss. (Alarm bells should start about here.).

Cue the ongoing saga. We've remained friends, with strange interludes where she loves me or hates me. Literally. There is no mincing of words here - she does literally love me (head-over-heels shite) or hate me (with the passion of a thousand burning suns).

I work nights. Which means i don't see most of the weekend. She texts me on an off, and i didn't reply as i was sleeping.

"I don't know what's wrong with you but i've cried and cried my eyes out for you thinking you'd come back to me to think that i thought we were so close and then you ignore me. Well don't expect me to wait for you."

Let me note, once again, that i lose whole days with working shift. I chose to wait and reply to this message when i was compos mentis. This was the interlude:

"I don't know what's going on but you've left me feeling so awful i can't do this any more to think that i loved you and now you won't even respond to me"

Immediately, i reply. I know how mentally unstable she can be (crazy like fruitbat!).

"Listen, i've been busy."

Suddenly, she turns around and is kept sweet. Whiskey tango FOXTROT? Base to Schumann, you have permission to land on planet CRAZYASKETTLESFULLOFFISH.

"Oh, ok then. Well *ex's name* has been in contact..."

... and that text message ended some 8 pages later.

Bunny boiler? Quite.

edit: i remember her telling me she'd been diagnosed with Narcissistic personality disorder. It was unsurprising when i read the DSM IV's criteria for it. It was like staring at her spilled onto the page.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Tue 5 Feb 2008, 9:57, 2 replies)

i've never heard of narcissistic personality disorder before
but i'm sure my cousin has it, it would certainly explain a lot.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 17:54, closed)

@ Smash Monkey
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 6 Feb 2008, 2:09, closed)