Prying mother
Between the ages of about 12-16 my rather bizarre mother forbade me to read any other magazines than the watered down piss of TV Hits and Smash Hits. I wasn't allowed to read Mizz or Sugar, as apparantly they were for "when I turned 18", despite the fact that these magazines were aimed at 12-16 year olds, and when I turned 18 I was more likely to be reading bloody Playgirl. Therefore I had to resort to buying these magazines in secret and stashing them in various places around my room. She inevitably found them during one of her weekly room searches (which she still denies) and sat me down for a talk.

She also insisted on giving me not one, not two but FOUR "sex talks", which co-incided with the beginning of every relationship I had, from the age of 12. I wasn't allowed to kiss a boy until I was 14, and wasn't allowed to sleep with anyone until I was 18, and preferably not even then. (Broke both these rules, if only you knew the truth mother dearest...)

Despite being in a relationship for over four years mother has only just relented to letting Mr Posage stay over, and then strangely claimed that "he had been allowed to stay over all along", denying ever claiming that he was to sleep in the spare room if he did want to stay over, and requesting that I stay in his spare room while I was at his house. When I confronted her about said prude-ishness, she claimed "it's not me that's worried you know, it's your father" which was total utter bollocks as my father repeatedly stated he couldn't give a toss.

To add insult to injury my 18 year old brother, who has never been in a relationship, was given a large pack of condoms by my mother before he went on holiday with his friends. The sleaze.
(posage As I turned the corner I felt muscular and compact, Fri 9 Mar 2007, 12:49, Reply)