Life on Mars? This was the 70s too...
I've not bothered reading all the posts this week but if you didn't like frankspencer's post below, you won't like this much either.

Xena, the redoubable Mrs Grimsdale had a choice pair of parents. Her mother wasn't strict but her dad was. Mum was an Irish nurse, moved to London in the late 50s and her dad also arrived here about the same time but from Turkish Cyprus. They had seven kids, Xena was the middle one: two elder sisters and an elder brother, two younger sisters and a younger brother. Dad had a temper and Xena remembers being literally thrown against the wall as if she was in a wrestling ring...except it hurt. There was virtually no gap between the kids, Xena was born less than a year after her sister. The first house she remembers was a run-down council house in east London, there were at least two kids to a bed, and as there was only one toilet, at night they had a bucket on the landing to pee in. Being 'half breeds', the kids were despised by all of their Turkish cousins as well as the Irish ones - and that's a LOT of cousins.

When they were little, their dad got a job cleaning offices and he'd take the kids along to help. She can remember emptying rubbish bins in the evening when primary school age. As money was tight, her mum got agency nursing work at nights. You can probably guess what's coming next.

Xena was the one that blew the whistle on her dad. At that point she was 11, he had been abusing her eldest sister for five years, the next eldest for three years. He served time for it but pleaded guilty, so the full horror never came out. Now Mum was bringing up 7 kids on her own, on a nurse's pay. Add to this three traumatised girls and an eldest brother that started throwing his weight around and bullying the others.

When dad got out, mum actually invited him round occasionally. Xena refused to leave her room and when he came for Christmas, she was accused of 'spoiling it' by staying in her room. They called her a hermit because she didn't make friends much or go out.

OK, not so much about 'strict parents' as such, but a bit of a reality check I hope. Every word is true and it's a testament to Xena's obvious strength of character that we've been together 20 years and have brought up a healthy, happy daughter. We were strict: wouldn't let her wear tarty clothes, picked her up at 11.00pm from outside pubs/clubs even when she was 18, and once when she didn't come home and wouldn't answer her phone we rang round her friends' houses at 6.30am to find out where she was. Luckily, I think she could tell that all this was because we care deeply for her and would kill to keep her safe, rather than being an attempt to embarrass her to death and spoil her fun.

Have a good weekend folks,

More on the blog - see my profile,

Che
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 14 Mar 2007, 14:29, Reply)