More Phone feature code fun...
It's all coming flooding back to me...

An amusing feature of our 'meridian' internal phone system was a feature that allowed you to page a telephone extension but you could also hear their reply without them having to accept the call.

This feature was announced to the recipient with a loud 'Beep' and a reminder tone every 30 seconds or so... Unfortunately on this particular occasion the recipient had not heard the phone behind him go off.

One lunchtime we were sitting in my colleagues office and had put him up to his favourite trick of dialling a female colleague on the floor below and making a loud farting noise down the handset.. then waiting for the suitably amused/disgusted response.

On one occasion my friend gesticulated to us wildly to come over as he put his phone on hands-free.

It seems that our female friend was being an agony-aunt for her fat and ugly male colleague and they were sat away from the phone that had now become our unwitting eavesdropping device.
I can't remember the details of the discussion they were having other than the disturbingly distinct announcement,

"You know I've never come inside of a woman."

At times like this we would have usually made some sort of announcement that we'd just heart this but for some reason my friend just hit the cancel call button and we just sat in stunned silence at the rather disturbing insight we'd just been party to. The guy was 26 ffs.

We never did figure out whether he meant he'd never had sex, had never managed to deliver his dirty little load or had only ever bumped uglies with another man but he did end up marrying a rather rotund woman who my friend christened 'the mole lady'
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 10 Jun 2004, 19:41, Reply)