Captain Guiness
In our local we used to run a pool team who would lose quite regularly, but was done mainly as a social thing rather than serious with us (ie it got us down the pub). One match night however there was this plumpish bloke sitting at the bar about an hour before the match was meant to take place, whom none of us recognised. I kinda guessed he was waiting for the other team to show up, so thought nothing of it.

The other team stride in and sure enough this bloke comes to join them. Ho hum. He brings over a pint of guiness, pointing out to one of the players that he's had 3 while waiting already. With that, one of the other players says "Go on, knock 'em back then :)"

Our landlord sees this, and being a 6 foot 5 roadie called "Tiny" he smiles and says "Ok, I'll pay for the pint if you can do it in under 5 seconds. "Is that all?" he says. He backs it in literally 2 seconds. So the bets keep coming, and eventually he's downed 12 of these within the space of about an hour. The landlord is tiring of giving out these free pints, so he says "Right, you're gonna need to impress me now with something different for another pint."
"Sure, no probs" he says, then runs upto a wall next to the pub fruit machine and does a handstand. They pass him another pint, and he does that upside down in literally 3 seconds too, much to the applause of the rest of the pub.

One of the other players walks upto me as we're watching this Guiness monster celebrate and says "And do you know the funny thing? He's completely diabetic too."

Dead man walking.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 19:29, Reply)