I worked with a girl who hadn't seen Star Wars


I know! Hopefully that should be long enough for you all to have absorbed the staggering suggestion that anyone, anywhere, ever, hasn't seen Star Wars. It's not like she'd spent her life in Africa, waiting for Bruce Parry to rock up, she lived in a civilized country (well, here) with TVs and everything (well, Norfolk, so she's only had 10 or so years of electricity, but that's long enough!)

Obviously my instinct was to shun her until she righted this crippling deficiency in her very existence, or to ignore her completely on the basis that the idea of such a being was so absurd that I must have dreamt her. But there were three reasons why doing so would have been intensely dumb of me.

1) We sat facing each other and most of the rest of the office were boring fuckers
2) She was really, really nice, if a bit dense, and we shared an interest in going out and getting really fucked up on narcotics
3) She was fookin' gorgeous

Oh no, I mean FOOKIN' gorgeous. Tall, slender, great tan (fake, as it transpired, like I cared), cracking norks (real, or so she claimed, like I cared), 20 years old, suggestible. Amazing how quickly one can forget all the promises made to Yoda, Obi-Wan and the Millenium Falcon play set I got for Christmas 1984 when gorgeous blue eyes are fixated on you and appear to be doing the "Fuck Me Flutter". With hindsight, she could have had something in her eye. I wasn't prepared to leave it to chance. What more incentive does a man need than an involuntary succession of blinks from a girl way out of his league?

I asked her out for a drink. She was initially cautious - WAY out of my league - and insisted that it be a group thing. The drink... you fucking perverts... so a bunch of us from work hit Norwich for a few jars on the Friday. The evening progressed well. The crowd thinned. We found ourselves dancing at one of the City's many shit nightclubs, and this time the signal was unmistakeable. The grind of her hips against mine on the dancefloor, the near-absence of any iris due to the preposterously inflated pupils, the fact that she could barely pronounce "take me home and fuck me" all suggested that I was going to make conversation at work on Monday stilted and awkward.

I insisted we go back to mine. I had some "plans" for this horribly inebriated young woman who kept getting my name wrong. We fell out of the taxi and performed the full range of pre-sex awkward moves; struggling to find the keyhole (hehehe) as we kissed against the door, tripping up the stairs as we tore each others' clothes off, finally I pushed her down onto my bed and pulled the restraints into place around her wrists.

"I'm going to show you the best time of your life", I whispered in her ear.

Ungrateful bitch fell asleep halfway through The Empire Strikes Back

Length? 379 minutes original trilogy. 387 minutes special edition.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 12:06, 11 replies)

What an ungrateful cow
A tattoo of Fran Oz fwapping over Yoda should be imprinted into her eyelids. I hope you left her with this to realize what she was missing.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 12:12, closed)

I thought you said this QOTW was already over...
like... y'know... what's that about?!
(likeajackhammer, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 12:17, closed)

One has to keep one's options open
Also, my two entries (hehehe) so far today can be divided into two categories - pre and post coffee
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 12:24, closed)

made me giggle

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 12:17, closed)

I've never seen Star Wars either.
I don't feel the need to; it's so ingrained in popular culture. It's like Soylent Green being people or Rosebud being the sled; everyone knows.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 12:21, closed)

Shurrup
You'll be giving away the ending to Titanic next. Don't make me tie you to my bed. I'll do it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 12:42, closed)

I didn't see it until I was 18
and I can honestly say watching ALL the films have made little impact to my life.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 12:25, closed)

...
I've only seen Episodes 1 and 3.

And about five minutes from one of the original movies... it was in a desert on some kind of airship thing, and there was a quicksand hole with a mouth or something.
(Bewareofthephil, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 22:02, closed)

Shun him!
SHUN HIM!!!!

(Sorry, been hearing too much Insanity Prawn Boy lately)
(MrTrick, Sat 20 Mar 2010, 2:30, closed)

I think Star Wars
is sooo boring and although own them for the children have not watched them

Restraints, on the other hand, are fantastic
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sat 20 Mar 2010, 13:46, closed)

I've got a baaaaad feeling about this...

( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 18:03, closed)