A very large lady walked into the pub who's bar I was working in.
She ordered a glass of red wine, and instead of asking "Large or small?" I accidentally said "Dear Christ you're a fat pig! Why don't you try going for a run, giving up the sauce and cigarettes, having some self-respect and doing something with your life instead, you horrible, pathetic, ugly loser?!"

So embarassed.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 12:43, 12 replies)

Perfectly common mistake to make.
Don't beat yourself up. She probably appreciated the advice.
(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 12:53, closed)

Ah, but
If you stop smoking, you put on weight.
(username failed moderation, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 13:01, closed)

I cried myself to sleep that night, you utter bastard.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 4 Nov 2011, 13:03, closed)

winner.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 13:16, closed)

Pass me the salt..
I was having breakfast with the wife this morning, and instead of asking her to pass me the salt - I accidentally said "What the fuck did I marry you for, Bitch you RUINED MY LIFE!!"

*sigh..*
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 13:43, closed)

Yes I know - here you go, lad - dry your eyes:
b3ta.com/questions/breasts/post717305
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 15:03, closed)

My point exactly..
Can't remember where I read it first, was a long time ago though.
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 20:28, closed)

You shouldn't speak to your mum like that!

(anonymousreality tickled your fancy on, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 13:57, closed)

What is she going to do about being ugly though?

( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 4 Nov 2011, 14:37, closed)

paper bag
over the head.
( theniwokeup has been awake since, Sun 6 Nov 2011, 13:33, closed)

I'd of punched her.

( The only Dave is pushing things forward, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:18, closed)

What?!?
That was YOU in the bar?!?!
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 2:37, closed)