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This is a question Party Tricks and Secret Talents

Everyone (okay, *most* people) has a party trick or little piece of skill they can pull out when they need to show off. Tell us how you impressed everyone (then drove away in your Honda Accord), or alternatively how you fell flat on your face.

(, Thu 14 May 2015, 17:24)
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I saw Vampires of Soho at InFest.

(, Mon 18 May 2015, 21:50, closed)
Yes, of course you did
*pats on head*
(, Tue 19 May 2015, 11:33, closed)
I hear they have a great enginear.

(, Tue 19 May 2015, 14:31, closed)
they're well edgy

(, Tue 19 May 2015, 15:25, closed)
can they do retro ironic playschool bigotry like calling people mongs and spastics?
that is both hilarious and sexually alluring
(, Tue 19 May 2015, 15:28, closed)
It's like that episode of Never Mind The Buzzcocks
where Simon Amstell and Richard Fairbrass out of Right Said Fred are trying to make jokes about vaginas and it's obvious that neither one of them has any clue what he's talking about
(, Tue 19 May 2015, 18:37, closed)
you appear to be confusing john barrowman with richard fairbrass, understandable really, as two homosexuals they do look very similar
nicolegendary.tumblr.com/post/1427523499/theres-nothing-quite-like-the-riveting-tv
(, Tue 19 May 2015, 18:51, closed)
much like all blacks look the same, and jews

(, Tue 19 May 2015, 18:51, closed)
and spazzes and flids

(, Tue 19 May 2015, 18:53, closed)
and downs syndrome children

(, Tue 19 May 2015, 18:58, closed)
I'm sure Fairbrass tried to describe vaginas as "slinky" at one point, so I'm confusing it with a different episode
I can't be arsed to go through all of his appearances to check but it would have been pre-Amstell. Now I think about it, it was Fairbrass and Lamarr, not Simon Amstell at all.
(, Tue 19 May 2015, 20:05, closed)
Fairbrass is bisexual so has probably seen a lot more vaginas than you and not tried to stick lego in them.

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 8:40, closed)
you know ... for years I've just assumed that you're a deluded idiot and that's why you hang around a site where literally every cunt sneers at you
but I'm gradually coming to the view that you're actually a genius who wears a cunning idiot disguise to lure those cunts into sneering at you

What puzzles me is why such an impressive intellect would have no qualifications, a menial semi-creative job, and be taking his first delicate steps onto the housing ladder in his forties

You're an enigma, Rob.

Or just an idiot.
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 8:55, closed)
Have you considered that nothing he posts is true and it's all a masterfully-sculpted ruse?

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 8:58, closed)
TTT

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 8:58, closed)
a ruse that he continues on Facebook?
I suppose it could be. An entire tragic life fabricated to make people sneer. Amazing.
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 9:24, closed)
Well I'm not in my forties, for a start
What was the rest of it again?
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 9:53, closed)
the bits about you being an obvious underachiever despite online protestations of intellectual superiority?
they're just there in the post that you evidently just read
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 10:08, closed)
Yeah, they're about as accurate as your guesstimate of my age
What puzzles me is why such an obviously worthy and lofty academic as yourself couldn't keep his shit together and prevent himself from getting banned off of qotw
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 10:15, closed)
quite accurate then

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 10:23, closed)
Here's a bit of advice, Sam.
If you're going to try to take the piss out of someone, try not to base it solely on details that they themselves have revealed to you mainly for the purposes of winding you up in the first place, or which are pure invention from the likes of such dazzling intellects as Rory Lyon and Monty Boyce. It tends to make you look like a bit of an idiot yourself.
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 10:33, closed)
A masterpiece of trolling.

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 10:39, closed)
I'm trying not to excite him too much
We all know what happens when he goes "Full Shambo"
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 10:41, closed)
yeah ... like you'll ever manage to have kids

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 10:53, closed)
I imagine I'll have the same number of kids as you do

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:09, closed)
imagination is all you've got

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:17, closed)
That makes two of us
but seriously, wouldn't you like to have your own kids one day?
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:26, closed)
see ... when you attempt actual trolling you're really very bad at it

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:29, closed)
So he knows your real name but doesn't know you have kids?
He's a total fairholme
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:31, closed)
I know his wife has kids

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:31, closed)
TTT

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:47, closed)
Good luck with that.

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:22, closed)
oh man you've done it again
you've pretended to be that tragic Rob caricature who once tried to add me on Facebook and made me sneer at you

I am such an easy target

:(

fedora
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 10:49, closed)
Oh noes, you've revealed that a certain author once gave us the rights to film one of his stories
I am so ashamed
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 10:58, closed)
I know right?
Imagine if you'd had any talent and it hadn't completely flopped at the kickstarter stage!
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:02, closed)
Eh, shooting on an aeroplane costs about £12,000 a day
and given that half the script takes place on an aeroplane it was always going to be a gamble whether we could raise the money or not.

Oh noes, how embarrassing. So, about that night you got banned from b3ta then?
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:19, closed)
You have also been banned from B3ta if I remember rightly

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:23, closed)
Nope, not me soz
"a member for 11 years, 5 months and 5 days"
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:25, closed)
"member"

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:28, closed)
Doesn't mean you weren't banned
Shambles was banned, his ban expired same as yours.
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:30, closed)
In that case I look forward to Dr. Shambolic posting in qotw again

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:33, closed)
He's posting in Talk he quite clearly isn't banned I'm assuming that he isn't going to post in QFTW again under that name because it bothers you for some reason.

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:46, closed)
I love the way you're making his excuses for him

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:48, closed)
I love the way you still think he is banned when he clearly isn't and therefore doesn't need excuses

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:49, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/talents/post2513976
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:50, closed)
Why should he?

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:51, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/talents/post2513980
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:53, closed)
Aww bless, that was a question, not an excuse.
Here's another question, if he clearly isn't banned from b3ta why is it so important to you that he post on qftw? Would it make you feel better? At least if he doesn't you can pretend to yourself that you are right and he is banned, have a little victory and maybe have a wank over it in the toilets.
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:56, closed)
What does any of this have to do with you, little doggie?

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:58, closed)
I just like fishing. I get hard everytime you reply.
Plus I want to see you get banned for posting more down syndrome pictures so I reply in the hope that you do it.
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:59, closed)
Believe me, when someone's as much of a disabled parking space as you are, it is tempting

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:00, closed)
You couldn't even help replying to Dozer, even though only a few people know that Vampires of Soho has anything to do with you
They fish and you bite every single time. Its like you want the world to see how tragic you really are. You think a pathetic attempt at an insult gives you an instant Internet victory. You've gone totally fairholme.
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:04, closed)
Either that, or I'm bored and I like winding up Shambo
I'm hoping he'll break out some more screenshots, that was hilarious
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:09, closed)
Yes dear, replying to Dozers bait is definitely winding up Shambo
You can't help yourself
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:10, closed)
Dozer didn't bite
Shambo did
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:16, closed)
OK as you are incable of working it out for yourself I shall make it clearer.
BAIT - I saw Vampires of Soho at InFest.

(Dozy Dozy D Buttmunch [mod], Mon 18 May 2015, 21:50, Ignore, Blackflag, Delete, Edit, Reply, I like this!)

BITE - Yes, of course you did
*pats on head*
(I helped save b3ta! emvee will model for Lego [mod], Tue 19 May 2015, 11:33, Ignore, Blackflag, Delete, Edit, Reply, I like this!)

You say nothing and this whole thread where you look stupid never happens. You're your own worst enemy. People only post after they see you take the bait, its painfully easy and you bite every single time.
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:19, closed)
I don't understand
Can you explain it again please?
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:20, closed)
I know you don't
and no
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:26, closed)
Aw, I was enjoying all those long posts you wrote
to tell me how much I was biting
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:28, closed)
You just keep doing it.

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:34, closed)
Doing what?

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:41, closed)
The only person here who's ever been banned from b3ta is you, petal.

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:26, closed)
again, you're thinking of someone else
I'm not the one hanging out on qotw under a sock-puppet alias because I blew my load all over an Australian
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:28, closed)
THAT HAIRCUT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO!

(, Wed 20 May 2015, 11:30, closed)
I'm not thinking at all, love.
I'm barely even reading your responses.
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:12, closed)
Tangles has posted new bait so I'm off to the new thread now
BYEEEEEEE
(, Wed 20 May 2015, 12:36, closed)

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