My entire fucking house is one giant kludge
The guy who owned our house before us was an electric engineer with a PhD and everything, so he fancied himself a brilliant electrician. Now any electrician can tell you those are two different animals.
David did a ton of DIY in the house and as we remodel, we are finding all the little fucked up boobytraps he left.

EDIT: unrelated to chthonic's David

1. Instead of connecting the dishwasher outlet to the house water with a stopcock, he soldered them together! The only way to disconnect the DW to replace it was to lie on your back on the kitchen floor and hacksaw the fucker apart. Insane twat.

2. Part of the bathroom floor was covered by the vanity (in an awkward place, naturally) so why bother to lay a floor no one will ever see? Until you want to move that awkwardly placed vanity. The tiles have been discontinued, so now we need to replace the entire floor for a missing 4x4 inches of tile. Lazy twat.

3. The window wells in the basement were filled in when he fixed the walls there. Oh whoops, no they weren't, he just papered over the glass! This of course led to a huge flood the first time it rained. The basement still smells of mildew 8 years later. Dirty twat.

4.In addition, David re-banked the soil in the back yard, creating a lovely little berm effect. A berm that that trapped and drained gallons of rainwater into the house. Stupid twat.

5. Every single outlet in the house has a grounding plug. However, not ONE of them is grounded, leaving us open to fire. Pyro twat. But wait, there's more:

6. Most of the places where there should be a junction box are missing one. The wires are just twisted together inside the walls without any containment whatsoever. The wires aren't even taped or Scotch-locked, just free to spark and burn the fucking house down. Dangerous bloody murdering twat.

We call these little surprises "Davids" after the previous owner. As in "How many davids did you find today, dear?"
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 15:36, 8 replies)

Vanity?
What's one of them then?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 15:44, closed)

Sorry
American for the thing of cupboards and draws that holds the sink.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 15:47, closed)

Draws?
Are they like our drawers?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 16:21, closed)

Ha
Leave him alone, you gits! ;-)
(dchurch bah, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 17:04, closed)

I'm pretty sure TDub is a chick/broad/piece of ass
(That's American for bird/lass/girly)
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 9:55, closed)

Fuck
yes, you're right. I was typing phonetically. Drawers is draws.

And I AM a broad piece of ass.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 15:57, closed)

We had a David*
Living at our house. Same thing except he extended his repetoire to building, decorating and joinery. I swear if I ever see the cunt again... (Insert random threat).

*May not be real name
( VandenPlas can't think of anything clever - no change there!, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 20:14, closed)

My house had at least one David in the past
When I came to strip the wallpaper in the kitchen, I was merrily scraping away when it suddenly felt as though a massive hand had clamped round my upper arm and yanked it backwards. The scraper made a nice hole in the wall behind me.

It turned out that when the old doorbell had been taken out, half the circuit had been left in place and simply papered over. Cnut.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 9:59, closed)