Anyone can play guitar
When I was 17, my parents got me a Squier electric guitar. It was white, like Jimi Hendrix's. I loved that guitar. There was one slight problem though: I couldn't play the fucking thing. I've got a tin ear, no rhythm, and trying to bend my fingers around the neck was like trying to perform a heart bypass via someone's anus.

Having a vague knowledge of electrical stuff, I decided it would be a good idea to stick a cut-out switch in it. Y'know, like Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead fame. It was simple wiring really, just a question of sticking a button on the line out, so when you hit it it muted all sound. It sounded amazing. I still couldn't play the guitar though.

Years passed, and that guitar followed me round wherever I went, getting more bruised and battered as time went by. The paint was flaking off, so I had the bright idea of spraying it. Spraying it with horrible lime-green plasti-cote. I bodged it up properly. There were massive bubbles of paint on the back where it had dripped off. It was a totally uneven coat, as well. Cut-out switch still worked though.

Couple of years later, I have to sell a load of shite so I can afford the deposit on a place to move in with my then-girlfriend. I sold my beloved Hi-Fi separates for about a tenth of what I paid for them, and I stuck the guitar on eBay, expecting to get about £20 for it.

In the description I put: with RADIOHEAD-STYLE CUTOUT SWITCH. I posted a couple of photos where I might have Photoshopped out the horrible bubbles and cracks in my abysmal paint job.

I watched the bids go up, and up, and up, and up. It sold for pretty much what my parents paid for it, enough to make up a major chunk of the deposit.

To whoever bought my guitar: I'm really sorry. I sold you utter shite. To be fair to the guy, he paid up and never complained, maybe he was happy with it.

I miss that guitar.
( krang, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 23:00, 1 reply)

There is...
...a distinct irony in going by the name of Krang whilst being inept with an electric guitar, and irony, my friend, always earns a click.
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 9:11, closed)