The application of SCIENCE
Whilst in halls at Uni it became pretty evident that most students could set fire to their kitchen while making a bowl of corn flakes. The fire alarm went off all the fucking time. During the first term the diminutive red siren stuck on the wall in the communal corridor of our little block sounded like an elephant that's just had its knackers stamped on.

WAAAAAIIIIIEEEEE - WAAAAIIIIIEEEEE - WAAAAIIIIIEEEEE - WAAAAIIIIEEEE !!!

Something you really didn't need when your brain feels like its dribbling out your ears after you've spent all day in the Student Union getting well and truly wasted on cheap lager and chasers. So a mate of mine, Mad Lee from Kettering, a bloke who was doing some kind of engineering degree which involved making and fixing technical, complicated stuff with the amazing and technical application of this strange thing named SCIENCE, said he'd pop round and fix the siren so it would purr like a contented kitten the next time the foreign exchange student from Hong Kong decided to make noodles at three o'clock in the morning.

Lee came round with his toolbox, a rollup sticking out the corner of his gob. He placed the toolbox on the ground, examined the siren, which strangely resembled a perfect pert red tit stuck on the wall. "Have this sorted in a jiffy," said Lee, as he stooped, opened the toolbox, and searched round for something. Intrigued - SCIENCE has always terrified me on account of being a bit of a technophobe gimp boy - I hung round to see how my mate, the engineering wizkid, was going to sort out this annoying problem.

Lee returned to an upright position, a massive screwdriver in hand, he held it like the bloke from pshyco would hold a knife as he approached a nudie girlie taking a shower. Lee then proceeded to stab the fuck out of the siren. He stood back. Examined his handywork, then returned and gave it another good stabbing.

"Shouldn't have anymore problems with that," Lee said, as he packed up his toolbox and fucked off. And he was right. We didn't have anymore problems. Well, not until the end of year when it came to the thorny issue of getting back our security deposits...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 13:30, 3 replies)

Indeed
I once solved a similar problem like that. I twatted a siren with a fire extinguisher until it stopped ringing, in our halls of residence. Worked a treat, and I like to think there was a certain ironic symmetry in the act.
(rockdoctor, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 13:53, closed)

I solve problems in a similar way
and I am also from Kettering. Could mad Lee and I be related, perhaps?
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 15:02, closed)

Reminds me of Homer Simpson pouring water over his console
to stop its alarm ringing.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 22:13, closed)