Wanking and wedding cake…

Years ago, I went to a really weird wedding held at a golf club when I was just 13

At the time, I was just introducing myself to the bliss of unfuddled fwappery, and was choking my chicken to near strangle point at every opportunity, The orgasmic shuddering I felt as I dumped my filthy custard was like an intoxicating drug to me – and I craved the exciting feeling that washed over me as I emptied my salty splooge.

Anyhoo, I was at this wedding, and after dinner (when everyone had gone to the dancefloor) I found myself alone, admiring the wedding cake. I noticed it contained 8 different layers, each named after the sounds of the bride’s favourite farm animals (I kid you not there was ‘Baaa’, ‘Oink’, ‘Cluck’ etc….fuck knows!) yet for some reason I found that quite erotic.

I just couldn’t resist…so after a quick look round I started a quick cheeky 'one off the wrist' as I thought nobody was looking. Unfortunately, I was spotted by two golfers who had crashed the wedding and were in mid argument about who had scored what on the previous hole.

So as I pulled my pud frantically, this golfer approached me just as I shot my electric love bolt, and I was immediately gripped with a deep shame I had never felt before. I pleaded for the men to keep it a secret, saying that surely they would understand such cravings having once been teenagers themselves.

To be honest, they didn’t seem that bothered. One of them just walked up to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said:

“Don’t worry lad, it’s just: Tier ‘neigh’ jerk rushes…”

He then turned to his mate and continued: “Par to who?”
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:44, Reply)