Lollylegs just reminded me of this
When I was at school there was a ‘standard’ rotation policy meaning that you would get a different teacher every year…Not for me, oh no. I had the same one every single cocking year in my secondary school.

Now that I think about it, it was probably because he was the only one that would put up with me, but hey-ho, it was a long time ago.

This teacher was imaginatively nicknamed ‘Stig’, not because he was a great driver like from Top Gear, but because he was a tramp, like ‘Stig Of The Dump’.

He was also a man of principles like insisting that there was no TV in his house, so that his children were not ‘dumbed down’. Of course, now I’m grown up I have some understanding for his actions but at the time, this led to massive bouts of piss-taking and abuse from the whole class.

We did the classics, like asking him if he had watched Eastenders every single day, writing ‘TWAT’ and an arrow on the blackboard above his chair, leaving freebie packets of shampoo / soap etc with ‘HINT’ written on it and so-on, but one thing sticks out particularly.

Because he wore the same clothes day in, day out (textbook teacher stuff, patches on the arms of his blazer, black cords), we decided to test his general cleanliness and covered his chair in chalk dust. Just chalk, not paint or anything. However, he had a white mark on his arse for 3 WEEKS! I mean, even sitting down regularly should have done some sort of a job wiping it off but apparently not. Filthy fucker

His chair then became the focal point for jokes at his expense. The ‘cushion’ part of the teacher’s chair could be lifted out so we would regularly do so. The thick bell-end fell through the resulting hole about 5 times before he started checking, and when he finally did start to check, we made tiny slits in the chair cushion and inserted a load of drawing pins in it for when he sat down. He wasn’t happy.

I also brought my brother's machete into school once to show off and got grassed up. Fortunately, I had a tip-off to the grass and managed to hide the machete, but forgot about the stash of my dad's porn I also had in my bag – DOH.

As I reflect on these actions, I come to the conclusion that I was a bit of a cunt at school, and all these years later, not much has changed.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 25 Jul 2007, 14:13, Reply)