Jesus on fire
I once sprayed an entire can of deoderant along the top of my arms and in a line down my chest, set fire to it and walked down the English corridor pretending I was Jesus Christ on fire.

I also set 18 rings of gas taps on fire and had to have the building evacuated.

Strange times.
(quantum raspberry quizzically quashing Quebecans, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:55, Reply)

Oh, shopkeep? Your telly is fnarked!
Tandy* (showing my age) did those fancy digital watches with built in IR remotes dirt cheap - 'cos they were shite.

Oh the hilarity (!) of standing in Dixons / Currys while some poor sales guy tried to sell a new TV or HiFi and just zapping it with mute, standby, channel changes at random while pretending to be absorbed in the latest computer game. Also worked in lessons when being made to sit through Open University videos of Tectonic Plate Movement ... Oh just recruit me for the Sex Pistols now!!

And synchronising watches then setting the alarm on them to all go off together in school assembly ...

* Radio Shack to those over the pond.
(Dionysian Aut viam inveniam aut faciam, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:52, Reply)

I was small and innocent back then
I was thirteen and studying for my bar-mitzvah.

In doing this, me and a bunch of other lads in the area used to go to breakfasts with the Rabbi occasionally. We used to talk about religious things, but also about life, like what qualities we would admire in a potential wife:

"Intelligence" says one
"Kindness" says another

My eyes shine in anticipation as it comes to my turn. I knew the Rabbi had the sense of humour of dry wall, so my response was
"Looooooooadsa money!"

Poor Rabbi, I don't think he looks upon me in quite the same way ever since that day. I was only joking!

Ah well, my Dad laughed like a loon when I told him.
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:51, Reply)

\m/
i rubbed my face really hard and fast with a towel until i got quite a big friction burn then at school the next day i told everyone i got twatted at the football. also threw myself down the stairs to try and break my arm because i thought plaster casts made you look hard.
(skindley, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:47, Reply)

Ah yes, good ol' BASIC!
Radio Shack in the late 70s used to show off their TRS-80 with great pride in front of the store. I too knew of infinite loops- but I also knew of counters.

10 PRINT "(name of girl I didn't like) HAS BEEN FUCKED" X "TIMES"

20 LET X=X+1

30 GOTO 10

RUN

Comedy gold. Especially when her boyfriend walked past and saw it and started going mental trying to make it stop.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:33, Reply)

It's a wonder I'm still alive
I used to eat cigarettes for beer. Yep, eat them, including the filters. And I wasn't even a smoker.

Constantly told my brother he was adopted, which was why he doesn't look like me.

I also used to attach big Bulldog clips to my nipples through my shirt in an attempt to attract girls. Most of the time it didn't work, but when I found the odd one who wanted me to do it to them too, it generally ended up as a top pervy session.
(EvilBugger, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:23, Reply)

I did the whole shoe-less thing too
Until one day I was sitting on the floor outside a shop on Upper Street waiting for my mate who was inside and someone threw me 20p.
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:17, Reply)

My Dad's freind...
Has a great shock story to tell about his teenage years.

I don't think he did it for shock, but nonetheless, it shocks everyone he tells it too.

One, When he was young, and going through that I-must-masturbate-as-often-as-is-humanly-possible phase that most male teens go through, his parents went out (to visit some friends, I belive)

Seizing the moment, he got his member firm, but alas! He couldnt find any tissues.

However, opening the fridge door weilded the perfect solution. He promptley took out the steak from the fridge, wrapped it around his pecker, jizzed into it, and then washed it off.

He put it back in the fridge, and then later that day, they ate it for dinner.

Mmmm...
(DanS like you've never DanSed before!, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:14, Reply)

Another one I just remembered...
I turned up to school one day in a t-shirt that said 'Same S**t, Different Day'.

I was immediately marched down to the headmaster's office and he went absolutely loopy.

"How dare you! Does your mother know you're wearing that?"

"Er... she bought it for me sir!"

I showed them. Yeah...
(jimi.vicious regrets criticising the American electoral system!, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:09, Reply)

Love that smell in the morning....
Made some napalm in the woods with my mates once, all went horribly wrong when i was set aflame by them dueling with firesticks (one of them came into contact with my petrol soaked trousers, oh dear!)


Oh and jimi.vicious i think you have unearthed a child hood memory there! In my IT class the 'cooler' kids who didn't want to play with the new high spec machines thought it was fun to crush up refreshers (the little round fizzy sweets) and snort them....WTF says i!
(Xyphious : Sinkin' Gin since '85, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:09, Reply)

Sex
I didn't actually do it to shock. I was (still am) with the right guy at the right time. But my mum found out and tore me a new one. Wouldn't let me go out. When I was out I was on a curfew.

8 years later and she's mellowed to the idea (even "allowed" me to buy a house with him). However, was going through old family photos and found my parent's wedding photo. There I am. 6 Months old. Front and center!

Cheeky Funkster!
( Joliet, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:08, Reply)

I once snorted sherbert from a Sherbert Fountain.
How rock & roll is that?
(jimi.vicious regrets criticising the American electoral system!, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 13:05, Reply)

James Dean, eat your heart out
when it came to the end of our GCSEs, I got together with some friends and we decided that we were going to leave the school with a bang.
We climbed onto the school roof in the middle of the night, each carrying a pot of paint, and proceeded to paint giant swears right across the roof. Imagine four 16 year olds giggling like girls as they finish off a 6 foot "CUNT" on top of their old English block. We also painted the word 'JIM' on top of the P.E. hall.
We felt so rebellious and bad that it kept us entertained for weeks.

Except that, as the whole school had a flat roof, the only people who would've actually seen our handywork were low-flying helicopters. -Which you don't get many of flying over schools.
Damn those rare paedo-copters!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:43, Reply)

This is pretty disgusting in hindsight
but I once went a whole week without ever taking off my socks. I didn't have a bath or shower or anything, just washed the smelliest bits (except my feet, obviously) at the bathroom sink.

I must have been a right stinky bastard, and for the life of me I can't think what I was trying to prove.

Fortunately, I grew up and nowadays am sufficiently fastidious about personal hygiene to be socially acceptable, (last week's QOTW notwithstanding).
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:41, Reply)

fluff
I didn't consciously do it with the intention to shock, but looking back, showing up to get my GCSE results from my posh private school in a hot pink furry mini skirt and matching (equally minimalist) top was probably a bit much for there not to have been some intent....

particularly given that I had a reputation for being a "good girl" with the teachers, never got in trouble and always got good grades and all that,I expect I thought I was saying a big fuck off to the idea that being intelligent, hard working and rule abiding means you cant dress in your own style and go out and enjoy yourself. In reality, i'd made the skirt and top myself, and I probably just looked a twat.
(skankgirl, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:39, Reply)

Back when PCs were Policemen......
10 PRINT "Fuck You"
20 GOTO 10
RUN

Yep, they loved me, the great computer programmer, in the BBC Micro-Centre, EVERY Saturday afternoon, messing up their shop displays.
(Rsoles, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:39, Reply)

We made projectiles
from pens that fired pins. I volunteered to be shot with it.

In the top of my head.

I got facial convulsions and had to pull a pin from my skull. Good times...
(THIRTY-TWO - Sputnik -, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:36, Reply)

rebel without a clue
I got through my entire teenage years without getting drunk, destroying property or stealing. This is not because I was a Christian. It's because I thought those things were idiotic, attention-seeking gambits by people with so little sense of self that they had to behave like a moronic herd. And what's even sadder is that it lasts into adulthood, where grown men and women say things like "I was so drunk last night that I vomited in my shoes and got arrested" - as if that's shocking rather than just infantile.

I had no friends as a child. Nor do I have any now. BUT I'M FUCKING RIGHT AND DON'T CARE!
(frankspencer, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:36, Reply)

Boring but true..
I refuse to wear socks at any time.
I don't wear a watch due to me thinking that things will happen when the happen. If I'm late, ahh well...
(gjb006, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:35, Reply)

I used to have violin lessons
an I was supposed to practice 10 min a day. So my parents got me a digital timer, however I always set it to 9mins. Deal with that!
(fluffytail, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:35, Reply)

Not big ... not clever
After feeling humiliated by a teacher who should really have given me the verbal ass-raping in private instead of in front of the class I walked out at the end of the lesson and used a drinking fountain in the corridor as a urinal. It was the right height, was porcelain, had running water and a drain hole ...

Length? The girl walking past looked impressed ...
(Dionysian Aut viam inveniam aut faciam, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:34, Reply)

I once licked a severed mouse head to prove.. erm nothing
Surprisingly, it didn't taste like chicken.. it actually tasted like dead mouse head soaked in ass-juice
(ShavenLunatic says touch your nose!, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:29, Reply)

I once re-jigged a display computer in Staples to keep playing Chumbawumba every time it was switched on.
Their solution to this was to disconnect the speakers... but I later heard that they'd got a complaint from the poor fool they sold it to when it was end of line.
( Beastie is doing science with his arse, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:28, Reply)

I didn't take drugs
not because I was being all religious about it, but I decided that I didn't want to do it just because all of my friends were doing it.

There's a shocker - a teenager not giving in to peer pressure
(birdwoman pissed herself at least once on, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:18, Reply)

Yes ...
It's a shame ...
(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:16, Reply)

Getting the first post without a story?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 19 Jul 2007, 12:15, Reply)