oooops, shit!
Looking back it's a bit embarressing, but at the time we thought we were being pretty cool. About 6 years ago me and a few mates decided to bring down Western civilisation by flying 2 commercial jet airliners into two buildings in downtown Manhatten. Needless to say the mess was enormous, but apart from that not much happened. What rebels we were (cringe)!
(DefyingDarwin Old, untalented and white,, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 13:28, Reply)

my parents told me to use PaintShop Pro

I went and used Photoshop.

It gave me an inner glow.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 13:23, Reply)

ooh what wit
we'd sit 7 of us across the middle row of the cinema and 1 would shout:
hows yer knee?
to be responded by the others:
me knee?
yer granneee!
hows yer knee?
me granneee?
no, yer fanneee!
hows yer perls?
me perls?
yer nipperls!
repeat ad nauseum until firmly flung into the night....


lentgh? not as big as now but capable of high speed ejection many more times per day/night.
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 13:18, Reply)

When parental controls were a mystery...
In sixth form at school we got a new computer room, full of Pentium 1's i believe, we were dead chuffed, we were each called into a room to be given our top-secret username and password, which consisted or a rudimentary surname, first initial username and the default password "password".
After generally pratting about on the internet for a few hours, we decided that we could hack the accounts of those kids who were off school that day. We logged into our friend John's and changed his password to something we could all easily remember, this turned out to be "poo".

When it was time for study leave we snuck into the computer room one morning, all logged in under JohnC - Poo and started surfing for porn, we'd all done a bit before but not to this extent, fisting, pissing, all sorts was on offer (no goatse i'm afraid!) then one of the guys starts sending stuff to the printer, before we know it it's got well out of hand and there's A4 pictures of hardcore sex, bizarre insertions and pissing adorning the walls of the computer room. Satisfied with this we strolled out and thought nothing of it!

Apparenly it was a year 7 class in there next, god only knows how we warped their little minds, we were called in by our Head of 6th form while we were at home and came in as a group, turns out the first person they'd called was John who had to explain that IF it was him he wouldn't have the password poo, how they knew it was us i don't know! To this day i don't know how were weren't expelled, i mean what do you have to do to get expulsion from school?!

I think they figured we were good intelligent kids who if they didn't let do their exams would probably bring the grade average down for the year!

Still i look back on that moment and wonder how and why we ever did it, rush of blood to the head i think.
( JebediahSpringfield, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 13:13, Reply)

somehow, without meaning to, I went from dux of the school to outcast overnight.
I'm still not sure what happened. One week I was asked to design a presentation to the whole school on the evils of smoking - the next I was expelled.


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 13:11, Reply)

Helping the homeless
For some reason when about 16 me and my friend Ed got talking to a homeless fella. For some reason ubebknownest to us we both ended up pretending to be beggars with him. I had to hide my new shoes under the blanket - Ed had a new haircut so he was on watch.

The beggar was a foul mouthed sh!t that would talk to women like they were... Erm the homeless.

I blagged 3 menthol fags and about £12 that I gave to our would be fagan.

Decided that this was all too much I went home.

However Ed joined him and his mates on some sordid drug run and alledgly pickpocketed a fella while helping into a black cab.

Muswell Hillbillies day out in Kings Cross.
(doktored, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 13:08, Reply)

ok so we were young....
and got our entertainment by sitting on an old metal bed with small wheels whilst our mate would attach the rope to the bumpers of cars that were waiting at traffic lights. We never fell off or got in trouble....but i think back nowadays and realise what a bunch of f*ckw*ts we really were.
(John Elton, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 13:03, Reply)

The curious incident of the flare in the night time.
Many years ago my younger brother nicked a naval flare from a boat and kept it in a drawer in his room for months. Being young and bored my mates and I thought it'd be a jape to steal it, launch it and see what happens. We waited until dark and climbed onto the roof of the local pavilion. The foot-long plastic tube was handed to our somewhat gullible pal and waited whilst he read the instructions out loud to himself and carried them out.

"Unscrew End Caps, Pull lever down, then push lever u..."

There then followed an ear-splitting whoosh accompanied by a huge cloud of foul white smoke as the projectile shot off toward the heavens. A split second before he'd launched it my other mate and I had (quite sensibly as it turned out) jumped down and started running like the clappers.

Somewhat panicked and now blinded by smoke, our gullible pal jumped off the roof, twisting his ankle and hobbling away from the scene as fast as he could. He caught us up very shortly after as there was absolutely fuck all point in trying to hide anyway.

The flare had lit up a sleepy area of Norfolk about a mile across, as if it was the midday sun.

As we were inland, no Sea King helicopters attended. In fact, nobody other than the three of us mentioned seeing it. ever. But then, that's Norfolk for you.
(toomanydecibels has bleeding ears on, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 12:48, Reply)

culottes
in my school, we had a fairly lax uniform for the time - as long as you wore a white top or shirt with blue outer (be it jumper or cardie), and black trousers or skirt with black shoes, you were within the rules.

i came into school one day wearing culottes. for the fashion-uninitiated, these are extremely wide shorts that have the appearance of a skirt. A bit like kendo-pants, if you will.

my head of year went into aperplexies of rage, as these were neither skirt nor trouser - hell, as far as she was concerned these were practically shorts (banned).

after 20 minutes of her screaming at me and me laughing in disbelief, with a huge crowd watching, i was sent home to change.

of course, within a week, all the girls were wearing culottes.

french breeches. i'm a proper rebel, me.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 11:48, Reply)

allah akbar
I was a teenage jihadist. I figured that my parents and teachers were going to be unimpressed with me drinking cider and spitting, so I converted to Islam, joined the extremist organisation Allah Akbar Jihad and started to wear a tea-towel on my head (I couldn't get one like Yasser Arafat, so I used one with touristic scenes from Edinburgh).

I perfected my thousand-yard stare and learned some Arabic so that I could scream with spit-flecked insanity at anyone who questioned my loyalty to the cause. I visited the school's chaplain and accused him of being an infidel. Soon, the Special Branch were tapping our phone at home and my dad was having his mail opened.

Imagine my surprise then, when I was contacted personally by Badr al Soqtadr, the main jihadi recruiter in my town. He asked me if would mind strapping a couple of kilos of semetx to my body and then run screaming into the local shopping mall shouting "Die infidel! Die, in the name of Allah Akbar Jihad!" before blowing myself into vapour.

I became a Quaker shortly after that. It was only years later that my dad told told me that the shady character calling himself Badr al Soqtadr was my uncle Kevin with boot polish on his face and a funny accent.
(Fothermucker, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 10:19, Reply)

Ahh Teenage Years
Right well i'm currently in my teenage years so i won't keep you to long

hmm okies

rewind to when i was 13, living in spain, and generally being a bored smart ass , school was easy, and outside was hot so i sat inside and played games all day , move on to summer , no school and i have mates round from england! great thinks I!

so 1st day as my mum bring mates back to house (we lived 10 kilometres up a mountain on a road that presses most people to the limits , (1st drive ? hour and a half , yes it was that scary, happy to say that by the time we were settled in we could go down in about 7 minutes*for the record people have died on that road going to fast , although it must be said the village drug addict did it in 5 minutes 49 seconds without dieing so this just goes to show kids, if you want to show off you need: fuck loads of drugs, a car that will do more than 50 and one long mountain road) good times good times,

but back to the story , said mates come over and we all think ! hurrah lets go skateboarding down mountain , we go about 1 k lugeing it , and then we stop and throw stones at each other for a good half an hour (as teenage boys do ) all the while talking and smoking the local produce , and then the glory moment strikes , a beautiful arc with a nice pointy stone on the end of it embeds itself into my brothers eyebrow , (to his credit he didn't cry (i'm so proud of the fucker!)) and this means we had to trek the 1k back home and my mum (god bless her soul) had to drive back down mountain and go to hospital for 4 hours , and she had had 0 hours sleep in 31 hours :D , good times , when they got there my brother was admitted to A & E and stitched up , whilst this went on in the cubicle next to his there was a man screaming his face off and quite rightly so because he had fallen through a sheet of glass and had managed to embed some of it a good few inches into his skull)

so end of day 1

day 2 begins , we lounge about and admire my bro's eyebrow going "man now you've got a slit eyebrow for life your GANGSTER! and all laughing) (we're metal heads for the record)

so next on the agenda we have ... more skateboarding !

so we walk up the mountain about 2 kilometres to give us a good 5 minute run ,

and we do this walk , run for about 3 hours non stop , on the last run of the day (tea was ready see) we all shot off at a fair whack , and about half a mile away from the village where i lived my mates skateboard started to wobble , how odd, about a second later it turned 90 degress and stop very quickly , which was bad for the rider , they slid , man and machine together for a good 50 feet , said mate riding bored was cut up to fuck , and turns out one of the front wheels had melted , (they were black and absorbed all the heat off the road) and we all just laughed at him and he had to trek home whilst we got there and ate bangers and mash , when he got in , mother saw cuts and alas she couldn't be arsed , she gave him some painkillers and we were told to play inside for a few days.

god bless her soul ^^

haha good times

(hope you enjoyed)

length ? from an inch wide to four inches wide,

texture ? warm burnt and black
(My name was taken by me Is Sleeping With Your Sister/ Daughter/ Mother On, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 7:24, Reply)

Oh yes, and I also smoked incense sticks
to practice real smoking, so I would look like I knew what I was doing when I started smoking properly.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 6:45, Reply)

I went into school during my "exam break" dressed as a hooker
complete with full blonde wig and kinky boots. The Headmaster recognised me and thought it hilarious to introduce me to the deputy head, who didn't.

All through my sixth form years I dressed in a different costume each day. I've been Bugsy Malone (I'm a girl), a pirate, a 60s hippy, a grungy traveller, Axl Rose and a metal-head.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 6:43, Reply)

I'm sorry, bus people
A typical Saturday on the bus with my equally delinquent friends, age 12:
- re-enacted scenes from Bugs Bunny word for word (with singing and use of action figures where appropriate)
- spilt a whole litre box of Whoppers that bounced and flew mightily down the aisle
- find bored-looking middle-aged men and read the Bible to them ("Listen, this is the good part, listen to this...")
- scoped the bus for hot guys, and
- if one was found, we would wordlessly get up and follow him off the bus (frequently finding ourselves stranded in Cracktown.)

I now have a responsible position with the public service.

If you were on the bus with me and my friends when I was 12, you may deal me a sharp clout upside the head. It's only fair.
(socialised_medicine quietly returns to Saskatchewan for Lurkfest 2007, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 5:48, Reply)

Not my rebellion, but someone else's
He carved his name into his arm with a craft knife. He thought he was cool. We thought he was a twunt. He was sent to the school psychologist and we laughed.
(Daktar can't fit his desired text in here., Mon 23 Jul 2007, 1:59, Reply)

mr watson
At school i had a history teacher called mr watson, he was about 60 and pretty senile. He always wore a black suit and brushed up against the chalk board covering himself. One day i drew out and shaded a huge cock on the board, he never understood why everyone was laughing at him later that day.
(InGear Slipped this one in on, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 1:42, Reply)

And the memories come flooding back.
So it was the mid-eighties, unemployment was high and round my neck of the woods it was all doom, gloom and the dole.
I was midway through my final year at school and thought "fuck it, there's no jobs going, I go to the worst school in the world and have never studied once, I'm out of here".
I left school about three months before the exams and got a job.

Looking back it was a pretty stupid thing to do as now I'm really jealous of people who had the chance to go to Uni. If I could do it all again, I'd have followed my dream of becoming a vet (something my careers teacher thought was way beyond anyone who went to my school).

Anyway, it's not all bad. I went on to earn shitloads of money in the city and most people I went to school with are lucky if their dole money comes in on time.

It's a funny old world ;)
(EvilMeister, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 1:05, Reply)

God this is so lame
When I was at school we had to wear a uniform that was black with white shirt.
For some reason the school imposed a rule that your socks couldn't be white. Of course this meant that we all wore white socks everyday.

We were so hard...


Actually, we were hard as this school was in upton park (by west ham football ground). I didn't get any qualifications, but at least I know how to disarm a crazed psycho with a knife and that, if someone points a gun at you and shoots, you've got a pretty good chance of jumping out the way if you act fast enough.
(EvilMeister, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 1:00, Reply)

I'm a bit stupid.
My parents were pushing for me to get a job; my school SMT (senior management team) tended to dislike me and I was generally feeling a bit disaffected so I decided to become a babysitter.

I walked proudly to the General Office and handed in my application to become a babysitter for all and sundry at my school.

One week later the Deputy Head and Local CPO were wishing to have a "quiet chat" to me in her office. I was questioned about my feelings for my sisters, whether I was making a cry for help and how I would feel if something nasty happened to someone in real life. I was then offered psychological help and given a very stern warning that I would quite probably not be able to become one of the teaching profession if I so wished.

All this because I had written in the "Hobbies" section of my job application that I enjoyed "Playing Guitar, Playing Piano, GOing out with friends, Child Molesting".

Point - none, hummous - not even enough to dip a breadstick in, arsehole factor - 10+.

I also went into pubs underage.

Click "I like this" if you think I should be ashamed for making a rather rubbish and pointless attempt at raging against the machine.
(John_Anon_Prince I have no heart and soul, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 0:59, Reply)

THIS:

Then I went on an entire rage about capital letters (Sorry, DYSLEXIA.) Ironic, as I now have a username in block capitals.
( ClanSoul, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 0:47, Reply)

my Dad is Cambodian

He once shocked his parents by refusing to beat an old man to death for being able to read.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 0:25, Reply)

Penis Enlargement
After being a relatively good little boy in my first fifteen years of life apart from my love of Hip Hop music with a lot of swear words in and the occasional found out trip to smutville on the interweb i decided to rebel at the age of 15. Me and 2 others collectively known as the "goon patrol" at school decided we wouldn't go on our year 11 leavers do and instead we would drink and smoke cigars (this was the first time drinking and smoking for two of us, ironically the guy who had already done this now is the most clean cut of us and doesn't speak to us two remainders). Although we didn't get pissed as the only drinks on offer were shitty Out of date alcopops boy did we enjoy our cigars, which unfortuneately for us we thought you must inhale (they were Hamlets so we weren't too cool). After our GCSES the fun continued, i found out the joys of dope from my worcestershire mate and we gradually learned about these nice things called "cigarettes" which were far less "harsh" than there tobacco brothers. At that time i used to keep all my "softies hard stuff" as a well known unlicensed hardcore pornographic shop from round my way would put it in the same place, in a navy blue umbro bag. The bag was one day found by the rents. After glossing over the cigarettes ( i was allowed to keep them as i was now 16 and it was my choice despite having professed to be anti smoking all my life up to that point) the alcohol (half a bottle of vodka which was put in my rents spirit cupboard and i drunk it later (filling the bottle up with water) anyway causing my mother to fume at me when i admitted this 2 years later to her) and the dope ("you know this is illegal im going to have to throw it away" my pipe was later given back so i could use it smoking that shitty herbal mix you get at the market) but what my dad chose to hammer on about for 20 minutes was the guide to penis enlargement i had printed off the web a few weeks ago, apparently it didn't matter what size it was and that if im with a girl who thinks any different she's the one who's wrong. Four years later and i'm a nicotine addict who can't survive without my fags which have rendered me unfit and unable to play any of the sports i enjoyed before that fateful night but my penis still remains untampered with (in the enlargement sense). I guess they got through to me....
(Joey Stall, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 0:19, Reply)

I was a fairly unrebellious teenager,
but I did enjoy messing about with the school computer network. Highlights included:

- giving a friend of mine superadmin status, which meant his privileges were too high too be taken away by the sysadmins
- using a hacked account and stolen system tools to randomly delete people's accounts from the network
- logging everybody connected to the network off at the same time, remotely, on the final day before GCSE coursework had to be in and year 11s were frantically trying to finish theirs off
- flipping the circuit breaker for the server room, necessitating a complete network reboot that took the admins an entire weekend
- remotely controlling my IT teacher's computer, while she was using it

Geeky, I know. But at the time it was great fun, and my entire computing class worshipped me.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 23 Jul 2007, 0:18, Reply)

How depressing...
I was far too good in my teen years. What a wasted opportunity.

Sigh...
(Just a girl., Sun 22 Jul 2007, 23:27, Reply)

I used to be a right little rebel
Got pissed one day and stood in front of a tank in Tiananmen Square. Good times, good times.
(Harold Bishops Love Child www.haroldbishopslovechild.com, Sun 22 Jul 2007, 23:17, Reply)

3rd degree burns ?- nearly
Science lessons could be a minefield of missbehaviour-one looney drank acid and tried to consume a cheeseplant for some reason,however the worst act i can remember was a few of us customising the bunsen burners to form crude yet effective flame throwers-this involved taking the bunsen burner off and leaving just the rubber hose before we lit the gas.........

Length ?

Irrelevant these days
(shug, Sun 22 Jul 2007, 20:41, Reply)

I once shot myself in the face
to prove i was hardcore
(Snailfighter Mk VIII MASTER of the bits underneath the ledges on fences, Sun 22 Jul 2007, 18:03, Reply)

at school
i used to wear makeup, skive lessons and roll my skirt up to make it really short.

now i can never be bothered with makeup for work; often work many hours longer than i am paid to do and wear trousers or long skirts because my clients are usually pervy old men.

i wonder if things would have been different if i'd been crazier as a teenager...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 22 Jul 2007, 17:49, Reply)

I gave a speech on methods of birth control
at my Catholic High School.


I am not Catholic.
(Windy Shrimp "wuz heah", Sun 22 Jul 2007, 16:55, Reply)

Lemons and fire
I used to throw lemons at cars and got done for projection of missiles and trespass, so i started burning things down instead like 18 wheeler trucks, hedges and my bedroom. The only penalty i got was a kick in the head from mum, the rest were thrown out of court. Yay
Length
How long does a fire take to burn?
(neighbour of the beast 668 has watched you in secret on, Sun 22 Jul 2007, 14:17, Reply)