Terrible ParentingMy parents used to lock my brother, sister and I in the car while they went to the pub for a "quick one" after work. This quick one might last several hours, during which they would send bottles of Indian Tonic Water to us by way of refreshment.
On one particularly cold evening, bored stupid, we lit a small bonfire on the back seat of the car using the cigarette lighter and the contents of the glove box. We owe our lives to passing winos. (BTW: Please no more Maddie or Jesus gags, they've been done.)
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:47)
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Never apologise, never explain...I must have been about eight or nine, when one morning, while I was in my bedroom getting ready for school, the whole house shuddered slightly.
Cue the pounding of feet on the stairs, then my stepfather bursts into my room, lamps me round the head and yells: "I'm sick of telling you about jumping off that bloody bed!"
He exited stage left, leaving me too astonished to start crying. I'd just been getting dressed! No jumping whatsoever had been taking place.
T'was the evening of the same day and we're watching the local news. A man who was involved in an acrimonious divorce had sneaked into his soon-to-be ex-wife's house, which was located about 200m from where we lived. He'd turned all the rings on the gas cooker on full blast but had not ignited them. The cheeky scamp had then lit the gas fire in the front room and left the intervening doors open before sneaking offf. The ensuing blast had levelled the house at around 08:15.
The old man did not look up from his paper, but he was definitely listening, the hair-trigger cnut.
(, Sun 19 Aug 2007, 8:17, Reply)
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